1. He has not fully let go and may come back some day. 2. He is keeping his steak on the property. 3. He can't be bothered. 4. He doesn't plan on using it or wearing it anyhow. 5. He forgot about it entirely.
None of us can know why and he may not even know why. So I am sorry to say, but speculating gets you no where and may even hold you back. It is another form of mind reading, and as I say, that never works.
I agree with others that by contacting him at all, you are not showing him that you are fine without him, but you are showing him that he is still on your mind and that you want him to think you are fine. I am not criticizing you and I don't think you should be hard on yourself! This is hard stuff, but that is how I see it. I just see that you are still holding on and that you are trying to show us and him that you are not. (and BTW, I didn't let go for a long time either when my H was gone). This can take a very looonnnnggg time. You can also choose that enough is enough.
I think it may be time for a mental shift. Others here talk about letting go and maintaining hope or dropping the rope and loving them from a distance. I tend to think that those things come into conflict with one another. You are totally free to dismiss what I say :-) I also tend to think that the term MLC is used to offer us excuses for bad behavior or helps us (the LBS) forgive actions we otherwise wouldn't. I just don't like the term and would rather understand why individuals do what they do and not just stick them in one category. Then I read on here over and over "that's what MLC's do!" and I cringe. One could argue my H had a MLC, however he is still a grown up and he is still responsible for his actions (now more than ever).
So all that being said, I wonder if you could move forward more smoothly if you could allow yourself some anger? How would it feel to tell yourself that he left you and D, he is a selfish jerk (which he has been for never including his W in on his thoughts when he left her), and that he is never coming back? How about imagining him shacking up with some hot younger OW in a fancy new apartment? ... Would any of that help you detach?
I am sure we are quite different, but if I were in your position, I would be angry. I would not want his stuff around and I would not want these friendly casual exchanges. Why? because I didn't sign up for a friendship, I signed up for a real M. I would tell him to come and get all his crap. I would also tell him that his picking up and leaving without explanation is shallow. I would tell him that I am tired of being treated this way and living in limbo. I would also see a lawyer (solicitor) and be careful how I played my cards. And FYI, I did do all of this. It did not scare my H away (he was already gone) but I showed him how I expected to be treated.
I am not saying you should do what I would do. I am however suggesting that he is getting off easy. Your H knows he can leave you and D, leave his things in the house, and that everything will be fine. Better than fine, but you are friendly too. Just something to think about. .. Feel free to disagree everyone, but I take a very hard line approach.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
