Here again part 12

[Train]

T,

The advice you're receiving is absolutely INCREDIBLE. I wish I would have had these contributors when I was going through my struggles! I know it may be difficult to apply it. You're obviously so close to everything, emotionally. I remember how some posts in my situation didn't make much sense until after everything was over. It was then that I realized how everyone was spot-on.

We're all telling you the same thing: if you want to set boundaries, that's freaking awesome! But why did you wait until you were reacting to something he did that upset you? Practice some of the actual quotes that cadence has given you as suggestions for a boundary talk with H, and then set a boundary. She's steering you exactly right and giving you actual things you can say to H.

I also agree with cadence about your ego getting the best of you with the "I'm not stupid" nonsense. That sounds very reactive. T, if you're going to put it out there that you know things, *really* drop allllll those cards on the table! Tell him: "I know where you are. I know where you've been. I know who you're talking to. And I've known it all along. You've lied to me about that ... and your motorcycle ... and that package that came to our front door ... and about who you're texting. And I've put up with it, hoping a little time would help you come to your senses about what you're doing AGAIN. But clearly, you're nowhere near that place, and my patience has run out, waiting on you to get there. Let's talk about a visitation schedule and child support, please."

Boom. Done. Checkmate. Move on.

Will he try to argue? Probably. Tell him he can speak once you've said what you need to say because you've heard nothing but lies coming out of his mouth for however-many months - and it's so bad that the only person who believes him anymore is himself. So IF he wants to speak once you're done, he can find his way to the nearest mirror and talk to it. Because YOU are DONE listening to his garbage and pretending you don't know the truth.

IF you're going to go nuts on him, go nuts like THAT ^^^. Immediately. Before he does something else that makes you react to him with the "I'm not stupid" stance.

Dig in both heels and stand your ground!

Congrats on last night's assignment! See? Anticipation is usually far worse than reality. (That goes for all areas in life.)