I really did have a great time but was VERY anti social. of course I did not go down to be social but rather to get some time away from my office, my apartment, C and everything else and just rethink my sitch.
BTW - I noticed when I got down to Destin and looked at my cell phone that I had a missed call from C around 10am Friday morning. I must have been between cells. When I got back home I noticed that she had sent me an IM and also called my home phone around the same time.
I got down there around 3:30 Friday afternoon and spend the rest of the day setting on the deck and re-reading a book Hope for the Seperated by Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages - also a very good read. it is only about 130 pages but was hard to read straight through - had to stop often and just think about what you read. I also had a highlighter in hand and really marked up the book. Along with a lot of good encouragement on my sitch, it gave me some pointers on dealing with loneliness, anger and depression of a seperation (in my case a D)
The next morning I got up early and went to the beach and watched the sun come up (since Destin is on the Gulf I was facing South rather than East so the sun came up kinda over my left shoulder but it was still very nice) Then I went back to the condo and fixed some coffee and breakfast and sat on the deck (7th floor and good view of Gulf) and read all three of Randy H's Thread Piecing after Divorce, which I had printed out and takened with me, also with highlighter in hand. Since his last post was in February I doubt he will see this but Randy, if you do see this - Thanks bunches for those threads - It has given me great hope.
Finished reading around mid afternoon and did lunch and rested my eyes. Then after lunch I started re-reading DR, also with highlighter in hand. (of course I had already marked it up some from my first read but I found lots of other points to highlight on my re-read). I got through page 100 by then end of the day.
Next morning, I again got up early and fixed breakfast and coffee and sat on the deck while I read the balance of DR.
Sunday evening I went with the group on a cruise around the bay on a double decker boat with the group I went with. (about 75 people) By the time I got back it was almost 10 and I went to bed.
Next morning I got up early and hit the road for home. 7 hour trip and I am here.
I really feel the trip was very productive and have worked through some personal goals and some relationship goals (will post those later) I also thought through a lot of my sitch and wrote down lots of points, questions, and ideas (will post those later too)
1. in the Book Hope for the Separated on page 60 Chapman states that we should not forget the Power of Prayer. So my first personal goal is to pray for C at least once every day. 2. I believe that happyness is a choice so I choose each day to be happy. When bad thoughts start to croud my mind, I will use the "Thought Stopping" techniques from Divorce Remedy on page 205 to redirect my thoughts - remember that "when you think about negative things, you will feel crappy. When you think about more positive things, you feel better. and you CAN CHOOSE what youthink about. 3. Every day I will say something positive about C to someone else. This will help me to not have negitive thoughts about her. 4. Say something to C at every opportunity to boost her ego.
The last one brings up a question.
in my post of 5/23 I mentioned when I gave her a complement on her outfit that she wore to a birthday party and said you really look good in that outfit, it makes you look slimmer. and that later she said that she missed that about me and said "do you know how long it has been since anyone..." then broke up some and did not finish the sentence.
That was an honest complement I gave her and she knew it. It had a good result and thus goal #2, but now my question. If it has been awhile since anyone gave her a compliment like that, doesn't OG give her compliments, or is she still seeing him?
An interesting point, Tuesday when I was cleaning out the rest of my stuff she told me that B (our puppy) was doing better. I asked in what way, and she said that for awhile he was leaving his mark all over the house but that he is not doing that anymore. I said great and she said that she figured out that B did not like her "friend" and that when she would bring OG over B would leave his mark after OG left. She went on to say that she is not bringing him over to the house anymore and that therefore B is not leaving his mark. I asked if she was still seeing him tho and she said she still may go out to dinner some with him but is not bringing him over to her place. I turned around and said to B "Good B, Good B", to which C just laughed.
In reading DR this weekend Michele does say that most affairs only last around 6 months then fizzle out. Could be the beginning of the end of the OG? one can only hope.
As I drove down to Destin this weekend I was by myself and just kinda vegging out while I was listening to XM satelite radio on the "sunny" channel, a easy listening station". I was vegged out so much that I really do not remember anything I was listening to cept that one song came on that I really remember. A song by Johhny Mathis by Nat King Cole
“Smile” by Nat King Cole
Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by... If you smile With your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you'll just... Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near That's the time you must keep on trying Smile, what's the use of crying You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you'll just... Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by... If you smile Through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you'll just Smile... That's the time you must keep on trying Smile, what's the use of crying You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you'll just Smile
I thought I would share the lyrics - they really made me set up and take notice.
