I agree, this had to have happened for a reason. I hate that it has happened and he couldn't be a decent human being, but if he is this bad, this is the best situation for my D. I spent a good 9 years with exH making excuses for his behavior and why I tolerated. I don't want that for my D. She needs me as a person who is outside of the situation now to help guide her. And, OW is a buffer. I couldn't imagine if it was just ex and D9.
As for being comfortable with loss, I have really been thinking about that lately. I have experienced tons of it, but I have always resisted it. That's why I couldn't let exH go when I should have before were married. I accept loss now and lean into the pain that comes with it. I may sounds nutso sometimes, but it is really me dealing with the loss rather than resisting it. It takes me longer to get over things now because I am fully acknowledgable of the loss and I am actually dealing with it and facing it.
Yesterday I was supposed to see my IC, first time since the injury and finding out about FF GF. I had been itching for this appointment as a much needed outlet. But the kiddo wasn't feeling good and I had to get pick her up earlier. So I rescheduled for Friday.
I've have been feeling down on myself. I feel fat and ugly and I can't do much about it. My weight gain has me feeling disgusted. But I have been socializing and having dinners, BBQ's and drinks which is good I am getting out, but it's not good for the weight. My joy of food is all I kind of got now. I need to curtail it. I gained 6lbs since feb and I am just not happy with it. 6lbs is a big difference on me.
Tomorrow night I begin PT. Atleast I will be engaging in an activity that doesn't involve food.
I have also been taking an inventory of all the men in my life and how things have went down. That inventory makes me sad. I gave everyone something they needed in their lives and they ran to the next person with it. I see pretty much all of them in a happy loving relationship now(I know the happy is an assumption, but I do think they are, and it's not that I don't want them to be)it's more like "Where's Mine?!?" who's going to stick around for me?
Time will tell.
Sorry so depressing. You would never know it from the outside.
