WAW, is there hope?

[KGuy]

A little journaling here somewhat.

I have discovered the "Newcomer LBH who has a wayward wife" thread is multiple threads, I'm trying to get all those read. For the most part, a lot of the A stuff doesn't apply to me I don't think, but there is a lot there that is applicable that i am trying to take way from it. I do think my W has had an EA of sorts, i think its referred to as a "unicorn affair"? I started reading those threads to find what the difference between a Walk Away W/S and a wayward wife. I'll perhaps post over in the last LBS thread, but i was wondering if anyone can point me to a thread where Sandi2 has elaborated on the differences between a Wayward wife and a Walk Away Wife without a A. I found one post on it, but it led to more questions. I know my situation is somewhat unique with the weaning issues, but i think i need to hone in on the differences of treatment of a Wayward not in an affair and a MLC. I would think its similar to a MLC, and that will be my next focus on reading after i get the LBS threads read.

Okay, so I am still trying to educate myself to get a better handle of things. H@ll, the divorce will be final in a few months, but i'll have figured it out at least...lol. i finished the DB book and started the DR book (only about 30 pages into the latter) and most of that seemed to apply to when the W was still in the house. Too late for a SBT application of that now (although helpful once communication starts), but the last resort techniques in the book and on this board) are what i am falling back on (and am attempting to do) as i have mentioned above.

I went to our MC again (this is the third time) yesterday and tried to update her on the situation as well as get some sort of confirmation on my strategy. I told her i had read the DB book and she said she knew Michelle and had been thinking of getting certified by Michelle, so i may try to help her go forward in that regard to have her coach me. Anyway, she reiterated what i had resigned myself to that i most likely would not save the marriage since the court date was in October. Thats pretty much the takeaway from anotherstander's post above as well which i agree with. I updated her on some of what i have done so far and we actually ran over.

Due to the irrationality of my W, i believe she has wayward behavior and our MC/now my IC agrees.

So, onward to GAL and detaching. An update on that:
This past weekend was a mix of tough and easy from a relationship standpoint. I had some work to do out in the yard and i started early in the morning. The W wasn't around then and i got some of the work done on it and went in for a break. When I came out to continue, the W and all the kids were also in their backyard (remember they are right next door). I found it hard to do the work on the fenceline i was doing so i shifted my work to things further in the yard. I think i may use my iPod next time so that i don't get distracted by things going on over there. Thought about it later, and perhaps she went out there because she knew i was working out there.

Anyway, i got allot done in the yard, and then the next day i went up to my cabin to do some work there. Thats 3 hours away, so its much better detaching up there . I had joined a meetup group and went ahead and signed up for an event this coming weekend. I'm also thinking about another event this week i can squeeze in.

Last night i worked on my trailer brakes when they drove up. Took allot to not stop what i was doing and say hi or even look over there as they went into the house. My D did not come over to say Hi this time Made me think later that i should have initiated something, after all if it was a normal neighbor, I'd have stopped what i was doing and chatted a little with them. For now though, i am resign to continue to focus on whatever it is i am doing and let the W (or D) initiate prior to me butting into their biz.

I've lived this before, in an even worse situation. XW #1, who had moved in with her boyfriend on BD day actually cut the intruder chain off my front door one night while I was in bed to get in the house (not for access to the house, but because she wanted to make me suffer for something) I actually called the police, and was told "tough luck, you're still married and she has a right to the house even though she doesn't live there anymore. If she comes in and something happens, call us back and we'll come out there and figure things out" which I translated as "call us again at your peril of being arrested."

[censored] when the law actively supports someone running roughshod over your boundaries, right? "Violated" doesn't begin to describe the feeling.

I had this same thing happen. The mediation settlement stated a weekend she could come over from 8-6 on the two WE days to get her stuff. She calls the Sheriff to come over with her. Its obvious that he is bias to her as she has fed him some story. When she says that i had changed the locks, he tells her she could have broken a window or busted down the door to get in since she was married and it was our house. I couldn't fathom a peace officer condoning breaking and entering. He also made comments that were obviously bias to her side. On the other hand, he did say he knew nothing about divorce when i first talked to him, so I'm hoping Karma gets him sometime in his life...is that being too vindictive?