Time and time again, I notice that when the WAS notices that the LBS has "moved" on and as long as they are not involved with anyone else, they seem to "wake up."
I think something was in the air last night, as I had a similar experience.
While we were still at the restaurant she also said "I don't feel like I really gave you a chance, but then I feel like I tried to work on it for over a year." I told her that she may have been working on it but she did not let me know she was working on anything. She then told me that it is too easy to get a divorce. I agreed with her and told her that in some stated there is a one year waiting period. She said that if there had been a one year waiting period her then we would not have gotten divorced. I told her that she and I had a lot of emotional problems with both of us having problems with our hormones and all.
While we were still at the restaurant she also said "I don't feel like I really gave you a chance, but then I feel like I tried to work on it for over a year." I told her that she may have been working on it but she did not let me know she was working on anything. She then told me that it is too easy to get a divorce. I agreed with her and told her that in some stated there is a one year waiting period. She said that if there had been a one year waiting period her then we would not have gotten divorced. I told her that she and I had a lot of emotional problems with both of us having problems with our hormones and all.
fyi
Her saying that doesn't surprise me with the way she has acted all along since the D.
Plus everything I have read about D suggests a good percentage of people afterwards wish they had tried harder to work on their marriage.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
update on the new house - real estate lady called today to tell me that seller gave verbal acceptance to my offer and would like to close ASAP. I dropped by my mortgage broker and finalized my loan app and he said he feels very sure that it is do-able.
Wow, this is moving fast. I took my D33 by to look at the house and she just loves it but agrees that it is a fixer upper.
more update from convo last night - after we got home and ended up smooching on the floor in front of the couch, we noticed that we have a couple of VERY Jealous puppies. every time we started really kissing we ended up with one or two chihuahuas trying to get our neck sugar or even wiggle in between us. I said that it seems that for us to have any time together we would need someone else to watch the dogs. She said we could leave them at one house and we could go to the other. This is a throw back to when we got married and it took almost 6 months to sell my home. to keep insurance on my house it had to be occupied so we would spend 2 or three days in my home then 2 or 3 days in hers. It sounded like a problem but we really did have a good time doing that. Maybe she is looking to get back some of our initial feelings again.
I agree with holdingon; slowlee, slowlee, catchee, monkee! Wow, that happened fast with the home! But if you are a DYI like me, I know you will love putting yourself into fixing it up.
As for C, keep doing what you have benn doing, it seems to be working! Unfortunately for me; it's NOT working! It's been over a year for me since I started the D. Now my H wants it and not me...such is life... Good luck with the home! Sounds like things are looking up with your R too!
don't mind moving kinda fast on the home - I think I can be happy there - and the diy projects will keep me busy. I talked with the seller and they will be fixing the pool and the hot tub - that gives me a small problem of what to do with my hot tub that is still at C's. I was going to move it today to a storage unit. That would take $350 then another $350 to move it to the new house. C said I could leave it there till I am ready to move it to the new home - that would save me one of the $350s. (also would delay the need to decide what to do with the hottub for about a month- a lot can happen in a month)
as to the R - does seem to be heating up some but I will keep it cool for now. I really had felt that I closed the door (did not lock it) and she is now knocking - I will open the door just a little and monitor. I will see how she is today when I go over to move all my other items to storage. It should be an interesting day.
odga, plenty of great things happening to you right now and I'm not just talking about the sitch. Man you must be feeling the excitement.
I seem to recall last time C started taking some steps, she backed off...probably because you started getting excited over it. I think this time you are cool enough and settled enough that you won't fall into a dance. Keep doing what you are doing because you are doing it extremely well IMO. I would suspect that your plans on buying a house and happily moving on have struck a resonating chord.
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
seems that today she was not as up as on Sunday. alot colder attitude but still friendly. I got every thing loaded in the truck except some yard tools and an air pump, the hose and a few minor things along with the hot tub. I refilled the tub and conditioned the water so she could us it. Since I will be moving to a new home she said I could leave it there for another month rather than moving it to a storage shed (for $350) then moving it again in a month (for another $350). Thing is, my new home will also have a hot tub so I really don't need it or have a place for it.
We did go to lunch and have a good time talking and when I was getting ready to go we got some more good hugs and kisses. but she feels that some time apart is needed so she can see if she really wants that or not.
In talking with her tho I got the impression that she desperately wanted us to get back together but did not feel that she could forgive herself enought to let it work. Until she is ready to forgive herself, even if we did get back together, it would not work.
I will give her her space and be there for her. she told me a few weeks ago that we should have about 2 months of no contact and then maybe get together for hot wings (one of her favorites) and see how it goes. When I left today, I told her that when she felt like she wanted wings to let me know.
Good point is that even tho she was not as upbeat today about us, she did give me some good hugs and some really good kisses. about a month ago when I was hugging her and we started to kiss she pulled away like it was a turnoff. so even though she is down some from Sunday, the down level is not near as far down as last month. I like the general direction.
NOW for some other news. I now have a written contract on buying the home and my loan was pre-approved. need to get the inspection and the apprasial done then the closing is tennitavely set for June 11 @ 3pm.
looking forward to getting into a bigger place with enough room for my woodworking tools (not that I would actually use them) - (sometimes I wonder if I am a amature woodworker or a tool collector?)
Oh - BTW I am going to Destin this weekend with the singles club were C & I met. C told me today at lunch that she had a dream last night that she went with me and we were in the king size bed (like the 2nd time we wend down there). Also, when we came back from lunch she looked up the info on the internet about the trip and said "only 3 more spaces left to Destin". I told her that I would love for her to come with me but that I think that if she did we should be in seperate rooms. She said that I should go alone and enjoy myself and that she should really just let me go. Interesting?
Nik 
sslllooowwwlllyyyyy