This is not the time to show your soft, gentle, understanding side. It is the time to get tough and to be the one who says what goes on under his own roof. If she can't respect it, then one of you needs to leave. In-house S for your W is nothing different from what you've been doing all these years, unless it would be sleeping in separate beds. Why would you even consider it? It will accomplish nothing, but more disrespect. It is the ultimate cake eating for a WW! Is that what you want for the rest of your life.........serving cake to your WW?
And you're going to beat me up for this, but eff it, this is my marriage Im talking about and I want to make sure I understand all nuances, particularly from the folks who are counselling me that i absolutely have to kick her off the premises or leave myself: IT seems to me that your own sitch played out nearly the opposite... Didn't your H tell you NOT to walk out? That if you did, you wouldn't be coming back? Please stop using Sandi's case as your excuse to wait for your wife to have a seismic change in her. She is not Sandi. And you have not been like her h in any way.
Sorry to be blunt but this is too cyclical for me. Too repetitive. Too much of the same old...
Of course one of you has to leave. Clearest thing in your situation is that one of you has to get out.
What do you see as the being the difference there? TXHubby's sitch I am pretty sure i know what you'd say the difference is... that his situation is unique based on his particular temperament and almost religious devotion to disattachment while in the same house-- qualities which you have said you think I lack.
But you do lack those qualities. No offense b/c you have a lot of wonderful traits.
Also I think Tx Hubby is only unusual in that they remained in the same home but in every single recon that i have seen
the would be LBSer (or actual LBSer) has dropped the rope and started to move forward. So the WAS actually truly feared losing their spouse.
Tx hubby's situation was like ^^^ that. He barely wanted to reconcile and if I recall correctly, he did not want to recon for a long time even when his w did the work. Even when she was acting with clarity and intention, neither of which your w is doing.
Your w is not under the illusion of losing you. In fact, she is not committed to being married to you. If she were committed to you or the marriage, it would not be "part of her"
b/c there's no such thing as a "PARTIALLY committed marriage".
And No, It's not relevant - NOW - how you got here. We know your behavior played a huge role in this situation, and for that you will always feel regret. Got it. Understood.
But that was then, this is now.
But I am curious why the dynamics in your sitch seemed so different...
I'm gobsmacked by this^^ question.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
