Next phase: Divorce and Acceptance

[Pax_luv]

Thanks Pinn- I'm reelin it in!

Well, today is (what would have been) my 7 year wedding anniversary and it's been 3 years since the straw that broke this camels back!

On our four year wedding anniversary, my husband and I were out for a romantic dinner at our favorite restaurant... The evening was weird, as was our whole relationship at that time. I was Sooo tired of all the crap. He had gone from quitting his career without telling me, to buying the motorcycle, to being obsessed with guns and video games, to being even more obsessed with his looks. All while dealing with a major lawsuit that had our finances in a tizzy. I admit, it had gotten to be really challenging to keep up the brave smiley face.

Little did I know that I was about to get the bomb of my life that would send me in to a depression. Over our filet and lobster, my ex turned to me and said, in a completely emotionless tone, "if we're not pregnant in 2 months, there's no point in being married."

And that's all she wrote! Well, I should say, that was the beginning of a very long downward spiral.

From that moment on, I couldn't really hide the fact that I didn't feel safe with this man. It was horrible. On the outside I was barely coping, and on the inside I had died. Yet, I still did what I could muster in order to be the best wife I could. I would work all day, come home to find him playing video games and screaming at the 13 year olds he was playing against. The reason I even bring that up is because he wouldn't even acknowledge my existence until he was done playing. I was a burden. He wouldnt even stop playing it and acknowledge me until he put down the remote and by that time it was when I was done making him dinner.
Ugh- pathetic pathetic woman.

So, today, I drop off the dog. Its been the same scenario every week. I haven't seen ex at all. He just opens and shuts the door while hiding behind it. I'm left to drop off the dog leash, etc on the front stoop after the door is shut.

Today, I left feeling so so sad. It really is like mourning the dead. What I know for certain is- i don't deserve to be treated like sh@t and I would never go back to him, but I'm still so sad over the loss of the what could have been and that idea of having a happy marriage and family.

Its gonna be a long day. It's tough, but I'll get through it.