I think a lot of the legal process (even if you have trustworthy lawyers) brings out these emotions. Now we have to act as opponents with people we still love and with whom we lived and grew with. We still want to love them and care for them, but they are now people we need to fight against in court. This brings out a lot of difficult emotions. It is hard. And I believe normal.
We still love them, but they have and continue to do horrible things to us. We can't trust them. I remember how greatful I was when my ex was suddenly nice and normal acting with me...but it was always right before he needed something, or was trying to soften me during negotiations.
And it's hard to come to terms with their manipulations. Because we still love them, because it's hard to accept that they don't have the same feelings and respect for us or for narriage and committment that they once did. They are different from us and it's hard to understand how they no longer feel for us the way we do for them. And that commitment waste enough for them to work through those feelings.
Is it some form of Stockholm syndrome? Is it similar to how a parent who has to turn away their heroine addicted child feels?
You're story and sentiments are very similar to my own.
When my coworkers husband died, I cried at home too, because I imagined that being my husband.
I can see how this is a double whammy for you though. Your mom, changing with Alzheimer's and now your husband changing from who knows what. Like me, you don't have clear cut answers and it is traumatizing.
I don't have advise, because I am going through this as well. But I do understand the feelings of loss. It's not just a death. It's not just rejection.
It's someone that we loved that made us into an enemy and it's hard to understand that.
