So what I need help and advice on is how to cope with the feeling of powerlessness.
I am going to vent now.
I have been angry for so long, but what it's really stems from is the feeling of powerlessness. My ex was not treating me the way a partner should prior to BD. I reacted with anger. My ex left us in a really bad way and once again I responded with intense feelings of anger.
Now my divorce papers are signed and I am really angry at my lawyers and at myself for not mediating to avoid lawyers and at my ex for not being forthcoming and for all his secrecy which made me feel like I needed a lawyer to protect me.
My bill is extremely high considering we had no custody battle, I had a child support settlement already in place, and we had no assets. The lawyers basically billed me for strategizing amongst themselves that it was not worth the legal funds for me to pursue alimony or financial discovery. They are probably right about that because their fees are so high. But during my paid for consultation, of course they talked about how they would uncover the unexplained Cash withdrawals, and how I needed an advocate. Hell they sat on my ex's bank statements and then gave it to me to go through when I expressed to them how uncomfortable I was waiving disclosure. 4 days before our meeting in court! That's when I discovered all that missing money.
I didn't know what I didn't know back then. And now am realizing how talented this firm was at billing and how they really didn't try to advocate for me. I had to look up laws and Insist on any little provision that would benefit me because either they didn't know or didn't care.
My education was just as long and difficult as their education was, yet one lawyer does not know her stuff and strategizes with the partner and I get double billed. Two lawyers at in a meeting with me and I was billed over 900.00 for the hour. A phone conference for the 3 of us which was under ten minutes and they each billed me for 30 minutes. Lots of other questionable stuff as well. I was given the less expensive lawyer after being told it would save me money. But the less expensive lawyer (400/hour) needed reviews and edits from the more expensive lawyer so I was billed for that. I am also seeing that the less expensive lawyer did everything herself. And am going to question why a secretary or paralegal did not do anything.
I think I am right. But I am not sure what the monetary claim should be.
I read on line all this sentiment from attorneys justifying the way they bill and they are so frigen arrogant. There's so many of them out there, I don't know why they have this power.
I am most likely going to arbitrate but am obviously stressed about it. Has any one here had to do that?
I want to recommend a site for woman undergoing this process to go to by a consumer rights attorney named Karen winner. She wrote a book called Divorced from Justice, which seems to describe what I have been going through. (I think I can mention it here as it does not in any way compete with divorce busters as it calls for advocacy for misrepresented women). I wish I was in the mind set to have researched better before I went throught all this. She talks about how middle class women are put at a huge disadvantage regarding the legal system and divorce. And how vulnerable we are to predator attorneys.
Anyway, I just want to put this all past me so I can move forward.
I am scared about meeting up with the attorneys to discuss billing because they are sleazy and are going to deny, and gaslight, and twist things around. But I am also angry because they have done it in a way that is just sneaky and I don't even know what to ask for.
I am fearful about having to go up against attorneys in arbitration if they don't amend the bill (which I doubt they will to the extent I Want them to)
It doesn't make sense for me to be fearful. I have nothing to lose. Arbitration is free. My time is worth very minimum compared to theirs. Any complaints I file can make things difficult for them but only if others complain too (in my state there is no way to look up if other people complained about them). There is a technical error in the retainer that would be to my advantage as I never signed anything accepting the cheaper lawyer and it specifically says in the retainer that any changes made, I would need to sign.
Even so, I hate the conflict and anxiety, and inability to out closure on all of this.
