This forum seems to be dying. How can that be? Did all the SSM people give up and move on? Anyway, it's sad to see the forum so deserted. I'm pretty sure all the LD folks didn't decide to just do it.
I was an active participant here for a couple years. I read Michele's books and thought the TED talks were great. I read everything on the forum, looking for answers and ideas. I'm old now and a lot has happened so I decided to share my story. Maybe someday it will help someone else and perhaps the telling will help me.
My SSM lasted 38 years. But thankfully we were not actually together all that time. I believed in the sanctity of marriage and remained a loyal but angry partner until I found out in 1998 that he had cheated on me and had some issues with porn. That's when I told him he had 10 years to clean up his act and become a real husband or I was leaving. I had no intention of living the rest of my life without sex. We had plenty of money and good insurance. I told him to address his issues. Doctors, psychiatrists, whatever he needed. I was willing to participate in therapy or do anything I could to help him. The only catch was he had to do it himself. I was not going to find a doctor and make his appointments for him. We agreed that 10 years was more than fair. I didn't nag. Maybe once a year or so I would ask him how it was going but I was pretty sure he was doing nothing.
That 10 years wasn't wasted time for me. I used it to GAL and make myself over into a new person. I lost weight, new hair, makeup, and clothes. For the first time in my life, I was a good looking woman. I went through everything in the house and purged till it hurt and then purged some more. I learned much later he told all his friends and relatives that loosing weight made me go crazy!
2008 came and I asked him what he had done and if he was ready to be a husband. My suspicions were right and he had done nothing. It took me a few months to get everything wrapped up but in September I packed up my car grabbed the dogs and moved 2500 miles cross country by myself. Right before I left he told me he never believed I would actually do it.
He stayed on my radar and called me every day. He wanted to get back together but my response was always to ask why. What had changed? And what did he have to offer? We had just started working on the D when he died from a heart attack at 61. I will always feel sorry for him. He missed out on a lot.
I meant it when I said I was not going to die sexless. I did what had to be done and kissed a few frogs. Then I met a real MAN who actually wanted me and liked sex as much as I did. For 2 old people, our sexploits were freaking legendary. For 5 years, we averaged 6 times a day and his personal best was 16 times in 1 24 hr period. He was amazing. Was.
We have been together for 9 years now and the first 5 were off the charts amazing. Then he developed ED and sex ended. It's been more than a year now without sex. Once again I am sexless. But he is trying and going to the doc because he misses it too. So far, no improvement and I don't hold out much hope. But at least I had those 5 good years. I guess I waited too long!
