T- here's another pattern for you. We praise you for your success, and instead of feeling pride, you dismiss it by talking about proof that what you did didn't make any difference at all via H's actions.
This is extremely unlikely to resolve in the short term. Please stop expecting success to mean that it will resolve in the short term. That leads to expectations and disappointment on your part (and also an inability to be proud of yourself for what you did accomplish.)
Quote:
I don't know that he came closer at all even just for the thank you.
Again, I urge you to get that book and read it. You don't seem to grasp what pursuit and distance look like.
H has been angry and silent toward you, and after you put up boundaries that did not let him cake-eat, he stepped toward you by sending you a polite text that he did not have to send.
Instead, you dismiss that and then dissect his behavior and what it all "means." T, I just said that after coming closer, he will self-correct. That's what he did. This does not erase your progress as long as you remain consistent in your rope-dropping and distancing actions.
Please stop yourself from dissecting and comparing, because these represent your unproductive anxious spiral. We've been over it a thousand times - allowing yourself to sit in dissection/prediction mode is very unhealthy and unproductive for your goals. It doesn't protect you; it harms you. It keeps you stuck, anxious, and unable to advocate for yourself without anger.
Instead, cut yourself a break and think about only you. Think about how you can apply what you succeeded at last night to this entire dynamic: calm boundary setting without anger. Think about how nice that will feel that you'll be standing up for what you deserve. We know you want H back, but he's not available to you right now. So what's the best Option B that you can dream up? You're going to build an Option B life, while remaining open to the possibility of Option A.
P.S. Get that book, read it, and stop your dissecting/soothsaying right now, or I might have to hunt you down and give you a disapproving look through your kitchen window
