advice please

[CW2017]

A good session with the MC this morning. However one thing did mystify me a bit. On the subject of sex she did ask me if I tended to initiate and I said it tended to be my W mainly because I never wanted it to appear that I was demanding it, so in that sense I was putting her feelings first. Also undoubtedly in the background was my feeling that she was not a highly sexed person (no sex before marriage and only once in a 2 week honeymoon). There have even been a couple of time periods where we have gone a year without. Therein lies one communication issue clearly as she would always shut down any conversation on the subject. In her defence I have not always been in the best of shape. So the supreme irony at the moment is that I am in fairly ripped shape now and we have had more sex during the A period than prob in the whole marriage (outside of attempting to conceive).

So I think the MC was trying to say that one of the reasons for the affair was that I wouldn't reinforce her sexuality and desirability through initiating sex. So I might have to hold my hands up for that one although she warned me that we would have to talk such things over in the next joint sessions for the counselling to work. Of course I had to admit there was a high chance she might have been thinking about the OM "during" but there's not much I can do about it. In a way I am glad she is finally getting something out of it for herself outside of pleasing me if that doesn't sound paradoxical.

Having said all this the most important question came at the end where I answered in the affirmative about whether I am prepared to divorce, I told the MC I at least have to appear I am going through with it.