What should I be doing now? (Filing for D soon)

[Coconut]

Tuesday I sent the text apologizing for the way I told her I want a D. She responded appreciating my apology, the only contact I've gotten from her.

Friday, yesterday, I followed up with a text I told her I would send letting her know what info I would need to complete the paperwork. Let her know I just needed to know date she moved to the county she lives in and if she wants to be known by her previous name.

Will she change her name back. I got to admit, that's a tough thing to think about now, and I'm not sure how I will feel about her answer. There was a time I didn't want her to share my family name, when she changed her social media to her first and middle name way back when, I was ok with that. The thought of erasing it legally makes me feel that nothing came of the last 8 years of my life, like everything that existed had been erased and I have nothing to show for it.

The "normal" course for a man is to get M, bring a woman into the family and share your name, buy a family home, and have children, hopefully one of which is a boy to continue the family name (I know it's primal thinking in today's society, but I'm watching game of thrones and that's what it was all about for them, and the desire to pass on the bloodline exists in every species).. After 8 years, we've sold the family home, she wasn't able to have my child, and her name will likely be changed.

FYI - I'm not discounting my R with my step-son, to me he is 100% my son and I raised him and feel about him as such. The only good I see coming out of my M is my bond with my son, I believe his R with me is the best parent - son relationship he has.

But I still can't shake the feeling that I wasted my last 8 years, they were the pivotal years for me to have a child (I won't have another, I don't want to be retired with a child still in school).. Knowing what I know now, I wonder if I would of left her upon finding out she was infertal. Wow, these are dark thoughts I'm having, but I am having them just the same. I didn't leave her, my desire to grow old with her far outweighed my desire to leave her to start a family... Now I have neither.