Ya I was not planning on taking the baby but my mom fell through watching him. She has a friend unexpectedly in the hospital and is driving to go see him.
So in this moment I have to take the baby which I would prefer not but I'll make do if he has to come.
I sent this text... Haven't gotten a reply.
Yes, we are going. It's probably best you don't accompany us. If you still want your ticket I will email it to you. If you decide not to go let me know and I will try to sell it. Also, if you decide not to go I would like to leave the baby with you if possible so he doesn't have to be out in those crowds.
I'm like you and have a great support network, not my Dad he's useless but friends are totally amazing.
If you don't want H to go, you certainly don't need him to, then I agree with the others, offer him his ticket and let him go under his own steam or not as the case maybe. You don't want to play his happy family game and why should you he has made his choice and it's not to be part of a happy family.
Your advice to me has been amazing and I hope you have a fabulous time.
SJ x
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
You didn't get sucked in, you ignored his attempts at causing an argument (ignoring the "allowed"), and you laid down a boundary (you can go to the event since it's a free country, but you can't go with us.)
Good for you. Look down, because I believe you've dropped the rope! This is what it looks like: not trying to control him but having healthy boundaries that reflect the reality of the situation.
You may still pick the rope back up as you work your way through the emotional minefield you've got to deal with, but this is what dropping it looks like.
If there's any more back and forth about his ticket, ignore it. It's not important to sell it or give it to someone else. Asking him to let you know could come off as if you want to know if he's going or not.
A woman who has dropped the rope isn't impacted by him going or not going... if the ticket doesn't get used, oh well.
Thanks Cadence, I am actually kind of proud of myself because I thought about saying let me know if you aren't going but then I thought to myself exactly what you said and that is me trying to know his plans, also me asking him to watch the baby would be seen as me trying to control his free night so I dropped all of that and tried to live by Sandi's words of as few words as possible in the text.
After I posted that I ended up replying something different than what I typed, I decided not to even say let me know if you aren't going so I can give the ticket because like you said it's not that important plus I'll have the baby and a baby bag so an extra seat might be nice.
It went like this
H: Am I still allowed to go or no? M: I will email the ticket or leave it at will call. H: Cool, what time are you guys leaving? Hoping to be done at work by 2 M. Not sure. I can't email the ticket so I'll just leave it at will call. H: Okay thanks
Done, no more replies needed from me and I just have to try and be out of the house before he gets home to avoid driving together. The game doesn't start til 8 and I hate that I have to rush out to get away but it is what it is. It will get easier with time.
My poor mom makes me laugh, she says I know you're friends online won't agree with what I say but I think you should tell him why does he expect to go after treating you so terribly all week. She goes but you know better don't listen to me T. I'm not good at this stuff lol. I love how she now refers to you guys as like she is going to get in trouble. We both laughed about it. I said don't worry mom I'm always getting in trouble too! haha
Done, no more replies needed from me and I just have to try and be out of the house before he gets home to avoid driving together. The game doesn't start til 8 and I hate that I have to rush out to get away but it is what it is. It will get easier with time.
Alternatively, you could just verbally reinforce what you've already texted (and tell your parents not to go against your boundary and allow him to go with you). "That's not a good idea, H, and I've already told you that."
Quote:
My poor mom makes me laugh, she says I know you're friends online won't agree with what I say but I think you should tell him why does he expect to go after treating you so terribly all week. She goes but you know better don't listen to me T. I'm not good at this stuff lol. I love how she now refers to you guys as like she is going to get in trouble. We both laughed about it. I said don't worry mom I'm always getting in trouble too! haha
Ha, cute. But I think you're doing exactly what your Mom wants you to get across to H, but you're doing it with emotional maturity and you're using your actions instead of your words. A strong confident woman doesn't need words when she can set boundaries.
