Of course I have never thought I could control her...never have I tried either...we are free people
..my thinking is definitely not to save the M at the expense of two people not wanting to be part of it together...
I get the feeling she almost WANTS me to punish her in some way like asking her to move out to help herself accept she behaved badly...
she says she misses me...I moved her out of the MBR.....I stopped all cuddling and hugging as described in Sandy's rules..
my only true hope is that if she can recognize things like the fact her A's are very damaging to me right now in this moment and not feel I'm being selfish for thinking that...and that I'm not asking her to ignore the problems in our relationship which got her to that point...if she truly doesn't want me in her life, there is nothing I can do to force her to of course...that's obvious to me..
i am 100% ready to face our problems head-on together however we need to...of course if she is a willing participant..
the problem is, in her mind, I feel she has created a narrative where she believes she had the A's as a response to my neglect and it's almost like any attempt by me to say "though I understand your feelings that may have gotten you to the point of thinking an A is the best thing to do, that was wrong"....that this is somehow the wrong thing for me to be saying to her?!
I have seen a therapist before....we had planned to see her together...she agreed...then we went and she changed her mind at the last second and decided she wanted to go alone...I don't have a problem with that...but that was the only time she went..
I am working with a DB coach starting next week
I want to improve myself....I have listened to her criticisms of me over the years which she would pull from her scorecard...and I've taken them to heart and made conscious efforts to work on and improve those things...she even acknowledges my successes in these things....and I look back and can say "why did I act like that? it was very immature or stupid...I don't think like that anymore"....so, I am working on me...but, I know there is no hope of R without complete collaboration