I wouldn't call it being a jerk. But if your W needs something, she would typically contact you. She wouldn't contact a friends or even family. You the H would be that person. So if your no longer her H, then the choice would be. A boyfriend or friend. And I already know that my W has no friends who are going to be there for her like me. And OM ain't going to step away from his W to do anything.
The moment the WW officially divorces you. That fantasy of hers suddenly becomes a reality. And that new reality will be the thing that brings her back to you. Seeing you do things for a girlfriend and you just showing yourself being a better choice will make her realize that the reality with you is far better than the reality she created for herself.
Like I said, if W chooses OM. Then let him deal with her wants and needs. The grass always seems greener on the other side. W should be able to see that once reality settles with OM. Then the real question is whether you want W back in your life?
