advice please

[CW2017]

Hi all
been reading some abs powerful threads on here this week which I have found very empowering. I also had my semi-regular lunch with my wisest (and only confidant about this) cousin yesterday. She thinks I'm doing amazingly well and believe me she is going through her own hell with one of her S's who is at war with his wife (unfortunately he had the affair).

So tomorrow I face my first individual session with the MC who conducted our joint one last week. I will try and see what she thinks about detaching. Because I have been feeling stronger recently (haven't looked at any messages for a month now and don't feel a need to) I will say tomorrow that the A is likely to still be going on (at whatever level) as it is in the workplace and my wife won't give up her job. I will state this because I know the depth of feelings involved previously. But at the same time I will say that I have no intention of finding out for myself and that it will reveal itself eventually when she knows exactly what I will do, i.e. at the moment I am feeling fairly relaxed about the whole thing (a marked change from the previous 6 months).

It is on the record (in the confidential notes from my first session with a different counsellor) that I was checking messages previously so it will be interesting to see if the MC refers to this. I will likely also emphasise that my W's statement last week about me being "controlling" was way wide of the mark. This is because for years I have been trying to get her to become closer to some of the other school Mums (sic UK!). A lot of them socialise together, going out for drinks, etc. and I thought it would do her the world of good (hardly controlling, eh?). But I really think she cannot identify with women yet of course has always seeked solace it would appear in male company (likely stemming from her own childhood). So that has def been a constant source of frustration for me over the years as I would like to get friendly with the Dads as well who I barely know.

No doubt her mother will come into the mix tomorrow as well as she still exerts a large hold over her daughter (despite almost being 80), possibly another reason for "the rebellion". I guess the supreme irony here is that because of the testing dynamics of the domestic setup of 3 generations of women under one roof I should have been the one looking elsewhere!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend