Finding my way in the dark - Part 2

[Holding]

Please read what I wrote to hvyhp about sex starved marriages and then explain to me why you want to save this?

I actually saw your posts to hvyhp when you made them, but I just re-read them for good measure. Yeah, they did hit a little close to home for me. So why do I want to save this? Well, at this point I'm not even sure I do any more. The part that thinks this could still work is so minuscule. But if I rewind mentally a month (still post BD), I can tell you what I was thinking...

I felt like if I upped my affection and compliments with W, the SSM might disappear. I hoped she would warm to me if I could give her the kind of things she needed in the MR. I told myself that affection (hugs, kisses, holding hands, saying ILY) and ML were part of the same cycle - like yin yang. I told myself if I was consistent with the affection then ML would follow.

But why did I want that? Well, the emotional pain at BD was almost crippling. I was a mess. Before BD I was bitter and resentful, and even thought about D myself, though never said anything. But the BD put me into panic mode where I felt like I NEEDED to fix things between us. To me the intense pain was a sign that I did indeed still have a deep love for W.

Another issue for me is my sense of commitment. Making a promise and keeping it is a HUGE part of my personality. I guess I take those M vows very seriously. Plus my kids need a stable environment and don't deserve to live with D'd parents. (Sigh) At this point, I'm open to the fact that my sense of commitment is hurting me.

Don't waive anything without talking to a lawyer, you're entitled to child support, alimony and half of your collective assets.

I've spoken to a lawyer. I will not be signing the waiver.

The only way you can convince W that you're emotionally available is for her to see that in your relationships with other people, not with her. You did not make a mistake by DB'ing.

Thanks for the support!