Your family seems like they love you very much. However, they sure are telling you (and your H) what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.....then go against what they said.
Maybe you don't know don't know what the right decision is because you have a bunch of people telling you. Plus, you are trying so hard (in your mind) to actually save the marriage.
So, why don't you step back, drown out everyone, (including us) and really decide what you want your boundaries to be. Not as a tactic to get him to suffer loss or to get him back. Just what actually feels right and somewhat not torturous to you.
I won't tell you what I think you should do on this one, although I do have an opinion .
It's good to look for advice or listen to unsolicited advice sometimes, but when it's clouding your ability to see things from your own point of view, it's time to shut everyone else out and sort it out with yourself.
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