Thinking I've got this DR'ing down I'm now trying to look into me more and where I feel down in my M, having looked at Sandi's posts and the "Mr Nice Guy syndrome" I'm devouring all information regarding this as Sandi has me down to a "T".
Unfortunately just recently I seem to be the person who can "talk the talk but can't walk the walk"! Detachment is at a point now where my WW and I no longer talk much at all, but when we do I feel she is always testing my resolve and seeing how far I can be pushed. We have agreed on shared visitation with a 50-50 split but she has for the last 2 chances we've had to talk face-to-face been challenging the schedules. Normally I would buckle and allow her to have her way BUT have stood my ground.
You can imagine the kind of response I've received from her and it was not pleasant doing this in front of the boys...
Unfortunately she pushed all of my buttons and I didn’t do a good job of charging neutral, It wasn’t pretty but I feel she got the point that I no longer will tolerate being treated as I have been for most of my M. To me it’s really hard to be like this as it hurts me to make her feel this way but am beginning to see that almost everything she does is for her and is very selfish. I was really angry with myself for standing my ground but I hope that me doing this is gaining a little more respect from her, I do see her now complying with MY needs more and feel it’s due to me finally getting a backbone.
Not seeing her is worrying me as I feel I can no longer show her the best me trying to remain friendly and her safe place, for me it goes against all logic but am aware by doing this she can no longer cake eat and temperature check to see if I’m a viable contingency if her A starts to go sour. I actually told her today when she called to make sure she had our schedule down set that I didn’t care if I never saw her again where in reality it would hurt a great deal BUT is something I WILL do and give her all the rope they need to hang themselves. I had a conversation with one of the guys who works with me regarding his R with his XWW, she re-married and now regrets doing this! He who laughs last and all that…
Anyway I will remain dark and just enjoy my time exercising, journaling, reading the posts on here and getting out and about whilst having a great time with the boys.
I hope you continue to do what you’re doing and stay strong don’t let it slip and stay true to DR’ing.
All the best.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
