So, here is where I am today. Sun is shining and I'm out with friends at the weekend. STBXH has gone back to his silent cave, either alone or partying in Paris with OW. My lawyer is still waiting for responses for his on big financial stuff...sigh...and in a couple of weeks wants me to press the button that will take us to Court because of his non-responsiveness.
I have gone NC and plan to do nothing for the next 3 weeks other than legal stuff. If my STBXH wants to 'salvage something from the horrible mess' as he calls it, he knows what I need him to do practically before mid-August. (3 things - propose a decent financial agreement, email the lawyers that he is pausing for 6 months before finalising the D to give us time to talk. Come and see me for a day on the coast to start talking.) I don't have any expectations that he will, so I'm just getting on with life. I guess detachment has brought me to the point where I accept that my M is gone and that it isn't my job to come up with ideas to tidy up the mess he now (probably) is starting to see he has made for himself. Me saying no thank you, going NC and being detached is a big 180 for me but it feels like a good place to be right now. What a slow learner!
Going through an MLC divorce is pretty odd (quite apart from the fact that I never imagined we would get D!) I couldn't really tell you why he wants a divorce because he 'forgot' to say! And having filed in January, he has spent months getting in the way of his own divorce process and making every sensible low-cost option impossible. Even his own lawyer has told my lawyer off the record that she is finding it difficult to get him to respond to her or communicate...Avoidance is certainly his new middle name and he should get a tattoo of that really. I suppose MLC crazy combined with D crazy just means the fun keeps coming doesn't it?
I decided yesterday that one of my goals is not to invite WTF more into my life by snooping. I could ring OW office and confirm that she is away this week, but really what practical difference does that make? Unless my STBXH does something different, it is less demeaning and more practical to assume (mind read a bit!) that a) he lies if his lips are moving b) the last facts I have suggest he is living part of the time with OW & planning to remarry as soon as he can and c) the MLC version of him is not reliable, rational or trustworthy. I'll let my lawyer do her thing and it will all bubble away on the side. My strategy is to detach, put myself first and do nothing without thinking.
And me? I've been doing pretty well on GAL stuff and have more plans for trying new things...musing on boxing vs learning to play the drums for repressed rage, what do you think? My biggest priorities are Work & Rubble. Work because I run my own business and need to rebuild it after the last couple of years. Rubble because, as well as dealing with the practical rubble of our 20 years, I'm still dealing with 50+ years of my parents' stuff - houses, legal & financial things - and it all takes a lot of time and energy. I think my early New Year resolution for 2018 is to go the whole year without talking to a lawyer about anything at all!
I sleep better. I don't eat much still. I need to stop smoking again. I wish that whatever happened to my husband hadn't blown my/our life up but it did, and after such a long time in this confusing dark place, I really want to get it in the rear view mirror soon. I'm not lonely, but I am sex-starved! But it is just a bit too early for me to date yet...I think I might need to wait until I'm legally divorced...we'll see. So, detachment is hard and a bit sad but also it is quite relaxing to stop trying to guess what will happen next or repair things I didn't break. I can just focus on me and things that are in my gift and control.
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
