I want to add...that our SL has been horrendous and close to zero for like 5 years (this is key info)...the worst...
this^^ is a big big deal.
She may feel you have no right to question her and that may explain her saying you "never said you could not have an open m", given that there was no sex inside the m.
Though we promise fidelity to our partners, meaning we won't have sex with others, there is also the understanding we will provide that to our spouses. When we don't, it tends to make people feel justified going outside the m, obviously. What would be different in the m, if she were to commit?
I feel that poor communication led us each to shut ourselves down and withdraw, what does this^^^ mean? It is very general. Vague. "Poor communication" does not excuse or equate to 5 years of feeling rejected. No offense, okay?
I get that it must have felt mutual but - sexist as it is, when there's no sex or even attempt at intimacy, the woman tends to feel the man isn't attracted to her, (guys do tend to initiate more, right or wrong) so when there's no attempts
that gets depressing and develops bitterness and a - well, you get my point.
Be more specific in your hoped for solutions than saying "we will communicate better about sex". How? And then what?
You need real tools, and I'd suggest you seek them out b/c if you have not come upon them already then they require professional help. NO SHAME IN THAT....seriously.
eventually building into mega resentment...yet, unbelievably through it all there was no loss of interest in touching like cuddling, holding hands, etc, continuing to enjoy our lives lacking passion in the m, or feeling as if you are not desired is a real ego blow and will breed deep seated resentment in time. Yes that can, obviously, lead to a WAW or an A...
...I've attempted to initiate working on our issues many times and been shot down... what did you initiate? How? What does "shot down" mean? Ever see a sex therapist?What was your sex life like when you fell in love?
W has held long-term resentments and kept a score-card of ways that I have wronged her, always to bring those things up against me as if they are crimes I've committed....
I never truly suspected her A's until maybe one year ago...then I began to gather evidence...
Do you see any^^^ parallels?
You will both need to Lose the score cards and evidence gathering if you want to rebuild this marriage.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
