WW claims ended A...where to go from here?

[25yearsmlc]

I have NOT read your whole thread, I'm catching up...but

Thanks so much for your responses!

-Her excuse for not ending it was seemingly an attempt to seek an OM.....I said "we never agreed to have other partners" and she said "we never disagreed"...this is the most unbelievable garbage I've ever heard...\

um, wow, priceless. This^^ may be an entry in the "amazing things" said...


-the only proof of ending the A is a little stick-it note saying "I ended it with OM"


speechless


-I believe she understands she has inflicted pain on me, but I'm not sure if she's simply sorry that I feel pain and not sorry for her actions

-when I told her to discontinue all contact with the OM, she claimed it's not possible since they need to work together and report to the same manager...do I ask her to change jobs?...

You do not "ask" her.

Does SHE WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU?? Since she broke her vows, she has a bit of heavy lifting to do now. Sorry it's heavy but sheesh...so is your broken heart.

You inform her that b/c you do NOT want an open marriage and you do value the vows, you will not tolerate a 3 way marriage.

She can do what she likes but you will not be in an open marriage. (so yeah, she has to change jobs)

yes[/color]

-I find it very hard to even talk to her at this point...I'm trying to be detached...how frequently should I be conversing with her about steps to take?


what's to say? I mean you say it once (maybe twice if there's so much emotion you actually think she misheard.)

Then you follow up with action on your end. It's hard, I know. Very very hard

but not that complicated


I'm trying not to show my pain with her and appear to be "contented" after my first few days of self-destruction...should I hound her or bring it up once a week...??!

No no no. This is not her saying "gee Idk if I want to be married situation"

and you trying to be all busy GAL & saying "I better act as if I'm GAL and have a PMA".

This is her having an affair and deeply wounding you

and damaging the m, so there's no YOU acting as if all is well.

No, you are allowed to be hurt - and frankly it'd be strange to me if you were "'contented."

I mean

WTF?

-now, I DO accept my contribution to our relationship problems and intimacy problems...absolutely...why would a person who loves you choose this course of action over working on it together...this baffles me....my W is a supposed logical thinking manager...this is complete contradiction with her actions...

I'll read the rest of your thread


but it's NOT about logic. At all. Few affairs are thought out.

Most affairs are justified in the hearts/minds of the partner who has one. And especially with women, imo, the justifications are emotional and detailed

('I've been rejected so much I feel ugly/undesireable - but here is this man who says I AM desirable, so I'll show h")