Wife walked away 12 days ago says it's over 3

[25yearsmlc]

so I called My W dr today cause we've never gotten the genetic testing results for the babies. Well they called me back and said they found nothing wrong and then asked if I wanted to know the sex of them I said yes. It was a boy and girl. I hung up and could barely keep my self together.


Asked w to call me she did and I told her that info and I could hardly get out the sex of the babies from sobbing so badly and she was just as normal as can be no emotion

I think you need to back way off. You felt your emotions and kind of fobbed them onto your w

and then she reacted as 90% of people do when they are confronted with someone else's emotional outpouring

meaning, when someone is very emotional around us, it's very hard for us to "match" them. Our natural tendency is to go the opposite direction or you'd have two people sobbing and losing control.

This is why some actors move us by their "barely maintained composure", their internal struggle to keep it together. When they "lose it", the audience tends to remain composed and not lose it.

Hard to explain but I've been to 3 funerals in which parents lost children. In none of them, did both parents lose their composure at the same time. One comforts the other or keeps their $h1t together b/c it's just too much falling apart to do, both at once.

I know it's very painful for you. I get that. But please, please do not do that to her again, especially without warning. frankly, I am surprised she did not get angry at you.

So sorry but that's my take on it.


I can't remember exactly what she said but felt to me something like dang that [censored]. And I was like aren't you upset she said it's upsetting but I've already moved on and grieved.

She had no warning of your coming announcement and

frankly, I kind of feel like you called her for her to comfort you. With no notice, too.

She's felt pain, trust me.

Idk if she's trying to hide the emotion from me or she's really moved on from it or she's blocking it, it just really hurt.......

so to be clear, how did she hurt you? Or are you saying the knowledge hurt you?

As for the babies, I'm so sorry. ugh.

Is the news that there was no genetic problem, good or bad?


it's like she void of any feelings or emotions right now....

Oh I doubt that^^^ very much. Don't mind read, don't surprise someone with an emotional bomb and then read into their response, especially when you have a very emotional one.

it's very very hard to match someone else's emotional content when they are sobbing.

We tend to compensate for the emotion the others are showing so if someone is very very angry, we tend to want to calm them down or to be very calm

if someone is very afraid, we tend to be reassuring as if we feel no fear

and when someone is sobbing, especially about something we were not expecting to hear and about something we have already processed, yes we tend to try to keep it together.

It's not at all her having an emotional void. I think that might be really unfair of you.

Anyhow, I'm very sorry you're in pain. Truly