We all have hope, that's why we're here, isn't it?
Not that I want to hold you back, but just because he is doing that doesn't mean he isn't having those feelings somewhere in his messed up mind.
And remember, feelings change. The way he felt a year ago isn't how he feels today, and may not be how he feels tomorrow.
That is why it is so important to make plans for your life without him this way you're a step ahead if he doesn't return.
When you're upset try to think about who he IS right now, you don't want him this way. Remember we were both in this place in 2014. Something has to give, or you'll be here again in 2020...
I believe when they're wayward they push and push and have to act irrationally and get out as quick as possible because they think that's going to be a magic pill and fix everything... I try to remember all the things my dad says to me, even though I hate to admit it, he's normally pretty right. He says when they live this high life and think they're on top of the world they have a much harder and longer fall coming to them.
Just remember this feeling won't last forever, but you already know that. YOu give such great advice to everyone else, I know you KNOW all these things, it's just harder to realize, absorb, and really take in when it's your own sitch.
