she just texted me saying "I can be gone for the weekend or ever...you need to let me know what you want to make your life easier"....how should I respond to this?
Hmmmm, well frankly it sounds like a cry for attention more than anything. This is tricky because she's fresh out of an affair (maybe). So on the one hand you want to validate, but on the other hand you have to set some boundaries about OM at some point. Honestly I think this is something you really need to discuss with a DB coach. But for now, maybe just reply with "It sounds like you are frustrated, is that how you feel? I am sorry you're going through so much right now. I want you to stay and work on our relationship with me, but what's more important to me right now is that you do what you feel is best for you, and I will support you no matter what that choice is even if it's taking some time away for yourself. If you would like to talk about it I would be happy to, just let me know."
In other words, you support her, you are there for her IF SHE WANTS YOU TO BE, but you are not putting pressure on her one way or the other.
Quote:
...what would I expect her hitting rock bottom and express true remorse to look like?
Read TXHubby's thread, his W is a classic example of a WAS bottoming out and returning with a humbled spirit.
Quote:
..you're saying I should totally avoid prodding her about anything right now?
...my desire is to go into deep discussions about why she did it, etc...but whats the DB'ing smart way?
The opposite of that.
Quote:
..do i avoid having dinner with her and stuff?....do i still be nice? it's hard to smile when I see her right now..i feel disgusted and paralyzed
Read Sandi's rules, it'll answer a lot of your questions.
Quote:
if there's a letter which I help write to the OM, what do you think the content would be??....
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Do not contact OM. That will look to her like control and manipulation, and may have the adverse effect of driving her back to him.
