I don't feel like I'm doing at all well I've been hiding under the duvet most of the day but just had a long chat with my Mum and so feel a little better.
There is no chance of kids finding out from anywhere but me or H and I feel that it's too much in one hit. My S10 has very strong values about marriage and it would destroy that to think that Daddy is leaving for OW. They will have to find out at some point if this lala fantasy continues but by then we should be in a much better place I can prepare them.
I think I've realised whilst hiding under the duvet that I have been facilitating him since BD and spinning a lot so in essence whilst I feel I've done some DBing I haven't done enough. Once the kids know this will be much easier as I won't have to be around when Daddy is and they will know why. He's been cake eating to a degree and I have allowed that thinking it was right for them but in actual fact H will stop wanting family stuff at some point so better that I make that decision now, not him later.
I need to detach as you said and that starts with a complete 180 for me, not talking to him. He has nobody else so that will hit him. I need to stop family time and facilitating him by letting him stay at the house when he sees the kids. He needs to see the full reality of his choice and I suspect that will result in him seeing less of the kids but that will be his choice. I know men that would move heaven and earth to spend time with their kids my H used to one of them but now if it's not easy he just won't do it and no doubt blame me. Not my problem my kids have lived through 6 and 7 months of Daddy being away so no different for them because they will always have Mummy and our great close friends network who all have kids that are friends.
I am very happy about the sink I have to say :-)
SJx
Me 46 H 39 M 11 T 14 S 10 DO 8 ILYBNILWY 11.06.17 Separate rooms 11.06.17 ILW OW A ongoing 12.06.17 Kicked H out 23.6.17 H came home 20.8.17
