Hi...newcomer here...I'm not sure this is the right place to post..so if not, please correct me!
..I discovered over the last 3-4 years, my W has been a WW and had 3 A's with 3 different married OM's...I eventually figured it out, compiled my own evidence...confronted her several times and she simply lied to my face...all the while using all the chat apps with encryption...my instincts were ALWAYS right in retrospect...it's amazing how that is... recently, the day I basically caught her, it was like she finally gave up and admitted it (it was a relief to hear it from her own mouth but not any less painful given the thousands of lies preceding)...so, I told her to end it as a mandatory step... and she didn't agree to that.. RED FLAG^^^ (in addition to the whole - you know - affair X 3) She has a lot of nerve to refuse to end an affair.
What on earth did she use as an excuse for that?? I am speechless that she'd deny the need to end it. Did she want an open marriage or what?
What did she expect you'd do??
.I went through complete hell for about three days...that's when I discovered this website..I applied a few of the concepts...an important one was moving her bedding out of the MBR....within less than 24 hours, she claims she has ended the current A with OM. with what proof of ending it? A no contact letter or call in front of you??
...this seems like a positive step..but I need to make sure she's sorry for the A's and not sorry she was caught you cannot "make sure she's sorry for X and not just Y". It's not possible to know if it does not show FROM Her...
I have withdrawn all kinds of clingy actions on my part, begging, etc....no hugging, cuddling...etc....some recommended DB'ing techniques...
now that she claims to have ended the A, do I alter my behavior to seek MC with her??
SHE seeks counseling, SHE makes the appointments whether it's MC or her own and or yours, etc. YOU do not make the appointments. You do not drag her to "marriage improvement classes"...
You tell her to pack her things and prepare for a divorce
UNLESS you see follow up action FROM HER...does she understand that she inflicted pain on you??
her recent A was with a co-worker who she eats lunch with daily or frequently...do I demand this discontinue?
yes. No brainer. Bad enough she works there with him (which I'd have her end asap as professionally possible (within a month or so at most)
NO LUNCHES that's just crazy. Sorry but that is a blatant boundary. No question.
I just got the DR book ..I understand the importance of GAL, and realize I need to work on myself FOR myself...
I love W and I believe she loves me...what's the next step?
See above. ^^'
And while I support DB philosophy, you must know that without a lot of remorse and transparent follow through effort on HER End,
You have to prepare for the worst.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
