Wife says that she had enough, files for divorce

[25yearsmlc]

You wrote this about who you were when she first met you:


Well, I was crazy about her and prioritized her in every situation. Always wanted to do things for her. I was very supportive. I was also more confident and social. To get him back, I would need to keep on recovering as well as getting more confident and social.

When analyzing what I've been writing and your answers, its quite clear what the underlying message is.

She has been living with someone that's been sucking the life out of her.

Previously, I was the one giving her life since she always were the one depressed and needed support. That 180 is not that great... And she cannot see a future with me in which she is happy.


Okay, fair enough. I can imagine how this^^ realization makes you feel. FYI, most of us here - if we have been truly honest and dug deep - have been brought to our knees with some brutal realities.

While it's crucial to learn from our mistakes, we also have to be in the present, changing our future b/c we are in charge of that.

You have to set yourself up for success --Stay in adult roles to function b/c your spouses and children deserve it, need it, and b/c it's the right healthy thing to do---

Stay well. You want your wife/daughter to be able to depend on you and

***THEY NEED THAT FROM YOU. It's pretty much a dealmaker/dealbreaker.

SWH,
I sense you are implying you have no control over your health or mental stability.

Maybe ^^^ that is true. Maybe at any point you'll suddenly feel too sad to function and too tired to help your w or to be present for your d or family or to hold a job.

But as long as you have that^^^ belief, you'll have to ask yourself -
how fair is it to your wife (or child) to be unreliable as a partner/parent

or to expose them to periodic bouts of you becoming dark, dependent and dysfunctional.

Your d needs 2 parents and your w needs a partner/co-parent. That's self evident and fair.

Thing is, from the way you write and show insight and compassion,

I believe you can & should take charge of your health. I believe you can be the man you were meant to become.

Your task is to set yourself up for success. Not saying you "Hope it gets better" or "Hope you stay healthy" or "IF IF IF you're well enough../recovery takes a LONG time..."

Do what it takes to show up for your family now, starting by being the best dad you can become. By faking it till you make it

(See Amy Cuddy's youtube video on positive thinking and Sean Achors Positive psychology - they have real data that shows how "external behaviors" can affect you internally and so instead of trying/hoping to feel better and then behaving better, you can do "outside in". The videos are only about 20 minutes and can change your life).

Anyhow, this is all about what helps you function the most. It's about becoming the man you were meant to become, the man your family deserves, to live your life fully in all your relationships.

Keep at this. Stay brave, dig deep, have faith.