I think despite the D and Ls, it makes the most sense to press him for a predicable and stable schedule now. Any person in their right mind will agree that this is best for the kids. It will also help with your own sanity and detachment process. Can you email this in business format and let him know this must start today and to please follow it? The way he comes and goes at night is just ridiculous given that you have 3 small children.

In terms of Ls and D, I know a lot of people that spent a small fortune on their D. Often the end result may be the same, right? Especially if mediation in required (where I live it is). The thing is, having a "pit bull" L may make you feel protected and powerful, but won't that also cost more? My inlaws almost got divorced and spent over 30K with 2 (very good) Ls going back and forth, only to R later. Except they had 30K in debt!

I tried to promise myself that if I ever D, I would try my best to be amiable and to not let emotions take over. I think it is important to have your list of goals, but also to go for them in a way that won't be a big and expensive fight. ... Am I way off here?

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela