Finding my way in the dark - Part 2

[Holding]

She said something about 60 days. Does she plan to stay there 60 days until the D is final? Since the kids will be getting the talk in a few days, my suggestion is to act as if you are in-house separated. I do not believe in-house S works successfully to reconcile a MR, but if she's just staying there until the time runs out.......then yes, go for it. She has removed herself from the MBR (which will help you detach better).

The 60 days is the minimum in my state that D can be final. So it may very well be longer than that. I'm not sure if she plans on living in the guest room for that duration or what. After we tell the boys and they have settled a little, I was considering asking her to move out altogether. Tonight she and I have set up time talk about things, so maybe that will come up.

When it comes to personal interaction, I don't think I can detach any more. At home I act like she's a ghost that I don't even see. I don't even look at her. She's never home for dinner anyway - always something to do. I don't do anything for her, but I do occasionally do the dishes or wash towels and clothes for my boys. Should I stop that?

The other way I can withdraw is financial. That leads us to...

If you have not secured your part of the money, do it immediately. Do not trust her to not empty the checking and/or savings account. Talk to a someone about protecting your retirement plan and any other sources she'll try to get a hunk of it. IDK, may determine where you live if she can get a percentage. Anyway, protect what you can.

When it comes to securing money, I've started doing that. Money's always been tight for us (W is bad with money), so there's thankfully not much in the bank to run off with. When it comes to finances in the D, I think I may have the advantage here. W makes a good deal more than me, and her 401K is also larger as well. So she stands to lose more. Seriously, what is she thinking? (Better question: Is she thinking?)

Things are spinning rapidly at this point. Earlier, W would not send me some financial info until I told her if I've retained my own L. I eventually got the info without answering, but it set a really bad precedent. Once I get my L's retainer paid, I don't see how this will ever de-escalate. I know people say it's not over till it's over (and I've said it myself), but this train is picking up so much speed.

A friend told me something interesting today. He wondered if SiL's pregnancy was a trigger for W, re-opening the wound of the third child she never had. (The story of the third child is a bit of a tangent, but I'll indulge if anyone is interested.)