T I don't get that at all. I think you may need someone who is a little more creative and can help you think through the issues and possibly "change" the facts a little. I'm not talking lying, but I'm talking about making smart strategic decisions. I do have concerns that by staying there he can argue that he is "with the kids" and move for 50/50, which a lot of them do to try to avoid paying for support. Definitely document the contact he has (and doesn't have with the kids). I use an app on my phone so it is always handy and backed up.
I think if he were not there the chances are good he would not be taking all three kids 50% of the time and he would be establishing a precedent for what the custody should look like.
You don't have an obligation to tell him anything at this point. Mine tells me nothing and I tell him nothing. I look to him to decide how nice, communicative or forthcoming to be.
I don't think you should file for divorce now, but I do think you should get going on the custody and support ASAP.
His mother sounds somewhat narcissistic. She knows what is going on with you guys and she is trying to make it all about her. My mother is the same way. I don't tell her anything or look to her for support. It just won't happen.
