Quote: the Counselor told me that she was not really encouraged about C and I staying friends as that usually right after the D there are too many hard feelings that get in the way
My advice; get rid of the counselor! Because that is utter BS! Only you and C know if a friendship can bloom!
Yes, after a D, usually you can't be friends. You have to fight over everything (sorry to say this) but the att's seem to think they should try and "make" you hate each other; afterall it is their job! LMAO! This is in no way saying you are one of them!
It's hard to be friends when you hate each other. And that is why I didn't want to go through with my D. But, hey, H wants a D, and if he thinks getting one is going to be like taking a miracle pill; all his problems will disappear. NOT!
I hope for the sake of your D's and our GS and all future grandbabies, we can be friends. I also pray that you and C can be friends. Their should be boundaries in the beginning, though. I hope you both can remain friends, and who knows, maybe someday more than that!
Deb - Counselor may be right to some extent - C says that she sences anger from me in my conversations and I told her that I felt some anger comming my way from her too. I suggested that we both may do and say somthings that show anger without meaning to but on the subconscious level. I told C that I did not see any reason for us to not be friends and that even though we were not the exception to the rule of the number of divorces for remarried (50% - 60% for 3rd timers) that we could be the exception and be friends but that we would have to work on it.
She told me that she needed to work on herself for awhile and that she needed to find out "who" she really was, and again referenced that she knew she was in MLC. I also told her that later when she does find out who she is and if I am not really serious about anyone then and she wants to then I would be open to dating again but that she would have to stand in line.
In all last night I got the feeling that she is beginning to get the idea that I may not always be there for her. I did set up a dinner "date" [don't know what else to call getting together w/ a friend] for next Tuesday night - night before I go to Boston for a week, the trip she really wanted to go with me on.
mementos - Bear with me, I love you is gone? "I love you, Darling" is still stuck to the top of her coffee maker. [I did tell her last night that one of my goals was to make coffee for a special someone again, and reminded her of a photo I took of her at the Bed & Breakfast in November of her in Bed with a cup of coffee that I had brought to her, and we talked a little about that trip. I told her that it was good that we had some good memories to end things with rather than with fighting and bad thoughts]; the tea bag I gave her from the Bed & Breakfast is now in the window seal over the kitchen sink.
I did not get to check on any other mementos but she did say that she had checked out my personal web page and commented on a photo she took of me the day of our D - the phrase under the photo was "Me, after a really hard day, but looking to the future". Since very few other peopl have the web page address I can tell from the counter that some one has checked it and it usually goes up a notch right after we talk so I suspected that my web page visitor was her.
All I can say, is hang in there. Just by some of the things that C has said, she reminds me of myself when I was going through MLC. I loved my husband very much during that time and after, but I had all I could do just to keep my head up sometimes.
The guilt that I felt from being that way was tremendous. I felt awful because this man didn't deserve anything that I was putting him through, but at the time I didn't know how to stop it. I can remember crying many times asking God what was going on. That my husband had never done anything to me for me to feel the way that I was feeling inside.
At the time, I didn't realize what I was going through until his hit. There are two different people inside of you at that time (probably more). The one that knows you want to be with the person that you are with for the rest of your life and the other person that wants to get away from the world and be around people that don't know you because they can not judge you. They can not make you feel bad about yourself or make you look at yourself because they don't know you.
The more memories that popped into my head, the harder it was for me to go on. The more people would remind me of things, the more frustrated I would get. Just give her time and space right now because that is about all that you can do. Trust me, everything that she is putting you through right now she is regretting and it is only beginning with what she is actually going to feel when she hits rock bottom.
I remember when I hit rock bottom and faced myself for the first time. There was no running and there was no place to go to get away from me. The only choice I had was too look at me. I also know what it felt like to go through that all alone. Needing my husband to be there and to understand and he wasn't because he was going through his own and his was just beginning.
I can't tell you the guilt that comes upon you and nobody has to put it there and nobody has to tell you what you did because it plays back in your head play by play. You see everything and you face everything. She hasn't gotten there yet, but she will and when she does, watch out is all I can say.
There will be nothing that you can say or do that will take any of the pain that she is going to feel away. All I wanted was for my husband sometimes to just hold me, but he couldn't because of what he was going through.
So trust me, this isn't anything to do with you or what she feels about you. This is all about her and what she feels about herself and she just has not figured that out yet. Not all of the dots have connected, but when they do, you are definitely going to know it.
Laurie is so correct, as I went through a little MLC myself. I did not have an A though, I knew where to draw the line.
A few things laurie said hit me that it is what my H must be feeling and brought new understanding to his MLC. Sometimes the best 2 things you can do is give them space and be there if they need a friend.
Try to work on the bitterness you have. Afterall, MLC is like a sickness. And as Laurie said there are many people inside of them. We know alot about our S's, their secrets, I agree they just want to be around people that don't know them that well!
well it looks like we are going to hold off on camping but will go out - really not a bad development - I may still need some time to go over my feelings about GF and about C (inlight of last night)
You must be the most patient man on the planet. Good for you. I'm so glad to hear that you are going to start REALLY dating again.
When I told H I was considering dating, a while back, he got extremely jealous. Said, "So what you mean is you are going to start f'""ing again!" I said, No, dating. I need to move on with my life.
Shortly thereafter we reconciled. Now that may not happen for you...but she has food for thought now.
Good luck! Good hunting! You may just find someone that suits you much better! You deserve the best.
C called me today to let me know that the futon matress was finally delivered and that I could come by and pick it up after I worked out tonight. I got over there around 8:45 but C was not there. I know the combination to open the garage door and I got the matress and put it in my suv and I then called her on the cell to let her know that I had picked it up. She said she was almost home and that I might just wait for a few.
When she came home she had some left over dinner and asked if I was hungry (nothing to eat since lunch so I said yes) She sat with me in the kitchen while I ate and we just talked chitchat, fun stuff. She did say that she did not get home from seeing Sis last night till after 11 - I guess she had a lot to talk about.
I did ask her if she was still going to go see the counselor tomorrow and she said that she had forgotten to cancell and that she does not like to cancell at the last minute so she would go one more time. She had said before that she did not feel she could really open up to the C so I told her to really try to force herself so that she could really get some benifet from the session. after I ate we went to the living room and talked some more and eventually ended up on the floor in front of the couch playing with Big B (the Chihuahua I got her for last years aniversary present) She really seemed to have a good time letting Big B pull and tug on an old sock then throwing it to me and then I would let him pull and tug and I would throw it back to her. It was nice to see her smile again.
After Big B got tired and settled down a little and we started chit chatting again she started complaning about the fact that she could not figure out how to change a headlight in her car and that she could not start any of the lawnmowers, and several other things she seemed to not be able to do by herself then said she liked to do things with someone. I did not know how to respond to that one (after all - she did have someone to help her do things like that) I finally did say that we did work well together and reminded her of when she helped me finish my basement in the house I was in when we met. She said that she really did learn a lot from that.
afer a little more chitchit I said that I really needed to go and check on cookie - she walked me out to the car to say good bye and she asked me a little more about my upcoming date and where I was going camping. I told her that we might not go camping this weekend but would likely just go hiking then do dinner and a movie and save the camping til another weekend when we could go for 2 days.
As I was getting ready to get into the car she initiated a hug and even gave me a little kiss on the cheek.
along with the statement that she could not do some of the things around the house by herself and that she liked to do things with someone (her first H did not do much around the house at all - I was the fix-it man. She also was saying when she gave me the left overs for dinner that "I don't have any milk, I don't have any bread, I don't have any ....(I did not catch all of the middle ones), but she finished up with "and I don't have any money"
At several points throughout the evening, I sensed some regret. But I was very plesant and did get her to laugh some. Will just let that feeling simmer some on the back burner for a few weeks while that statement "I am just a little jealous" work it's way in too.
She did IM me some info from a cheep airline ticket website as a suggestion on to fly to the Boston Convention rather than driving like I was planning. I thanked her and did book a flight (not from that site but later did IM C and give her credit for the suggestion to look.
Because that is utter BS! Only you and C know if a friendship can bloom! 
"I love you, Darling" is still stuck to the top of her coffee maker. [I did tell her last night that one of my goals was to make coffee for a special someone again, and reminded her of a photo I took of her at the Bed & Breakfast in November of her in Bed with a cup of coffee that I had brought to her, and we talked a little about that trip. I told her that it was good that we had some good memories to end things with rather than with fighting and bad thoughts]; the tea bag I gave her from the Bed & Breakfast is now in the window seal over the kitchen sink.