Imagine having one end of a rope tied around your W, and you have the other end of the rope in your hands. She is trying her best to get away from you and do any wayward thing she pleases. You are trying to stop her, and have a death grip on your end of that rope, and you are pulling back as hard as you can. Now, just imagine the scene if you suddenly let go and dropped the rope. Remembering some old Tug of War games, I think she would stumble, maybe even fall down...... if the tension was immediately gone. Then she is going to look back at you to see what happened. What will she see when she looks back? Will she see that the rope of control has been dropped? Will she see you walking away from her, enjoying your life without her.......or will she see you trying to pick up the rope again?
Most LBH's are trying to pull tighter on their control to make the WW do what he wants her. She is rebelling and doesn't want to do what the H wants, so she puts her energy into pulling away. If he will let go of the rope, he lets go of the struggle. Letting go of the rope means she can do whatever she wants without him trying to control her. He places his focus on him and his kids, and he seriously GAL that does not include her. He no longer shows anger and pain she's caused, b/c he is detached. He no longer invests his time and energy in her, and/or her drama. This is dropping the rope.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
