Trying to detach from WTF world

[Treasur]

I seem to have hit a funny second wind of grief (or 500th!) as I'm working hard to build my detaching muscles. I just miss my H. The sound of his voice, his smell, the feeling of him in another room. I think this is the first time I've cried in months. I thought I would always be able to reach out and feel his hand.

I know my H is not available anymore. Sometimes I worry that I'll forget what he looked like before he became Mr Depressed Shark Eyes. He isn't available because he's lost himself or he's fine with the OW and happy. It doesn't matter really. His absence is the same.

I think I'm grieving again because I love him, and I hate what has happened to him, and there is nothing I can do about it. And, more than just detaching, I know I have to choose to go dark for my own survival really.

I know some of you know how hard this path is and how hard it is to keep doing things which are hard to do when you're tired. I just miss my husband's face.