Quote by Sandi: Have you considered giving her just a glimpse of how your relationship will be after D? I know as long as you live under the same roof that she won't get the full picture, however, you could do a few things differently. Once the kids are told, there will be no need for pretenses.
I think I've been giving her that glimpse in my communication with her. No more friendly texts or chatting. Just business. What other ways can I give her that glimpse?
She said something about 60 days. Does she plan to stay there 60 days until the D is final? Since the kids will be getting the talk in a few days, my suggestion is to act as if you are in-house separated. I do not believe in-house S works successfully to reconcile a MR, but if she's just staying there until the time runs out.......then yes, go for it. She has removed herself from the MBR (which will help you detach better).
Don't engage with her in any more family fun activities. Give the boys as much attention as possible, but don't join her in family outings.......and should she ask if she can go along for activities you've planned with the boys, tell her that it's for guys only. Also, have GAL times without them, and of course....tell her no details about your GAL.
If she sends a text, don't respond unless she ask a direct question, or you believe it warrants a response. Learn to use no more than a half-dozen words in a text. Don't fall for her temp checking. Don't engage in conversations with her. Distant yourself from her as much as possible. The only time to engage in a family activity would be having dinner at home. If it is custom for you, W, and sons to eat dinner together around the table, then I would continue, but I would not go out to eat together.
Some H's won't do this, so be your own judge........ cut back on helping her with things that use to fall under the job description of husband, especially if she "expects it" or shows any negative attitude. Don't rescue her. Let her be independent. If she relies on you for certain tasks, she needs to learn how to do them without you. Don't let her guilt you or talk down to you.
If you have not secured your part of the money, do it immediately. Do not trust her to not empty the checking and/or savings account. Talk to a someone about protecting your retirement plan and any other sources she'll try to get a hunk of it. IDK, may determine where you live if she can get a percentage. Anyway, protect what you can.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
