hey - just because I am giving up on C does not mean that I am leaving the BB - may not post as much but I am lurking.
Howevewr, I did just have a good phone convo w/ C - cleared the air some and I feel a start to a friendship. Altho I did get the feeling from her that the idea of me going away for the weekend with someone else hurt her some. Altho I did not tell her that to hurt her - I suggested to her that we make a pack that whenever she says anything that hurts my feelings I will tell her right away and she will do the same if I say anything that hurts her feelings. That way the little hurt will not be like a forgotten splinter and start to fester.
I am going over to see her toinght to pick up one of my tools and we will talk more then. Wish me luck - may not be able to get the marriage back but want to save a friendship.
Well - I have been thinking (bad thing) but on the phone convo w/ C this morning.
1. she said that it hurt her when I asked for my little blue pills that she had over at her house and that I might need them this weekend. 2. I had gone to church this last weekend since that is the best way I can see the niece and nephew and this morning she said that she did not feel like she could go to the church as she might see me there with someone else and said that she might show up with someone else her self. 3. when I told her that I was starting to see someone else she said that I should not move too fast. 4. she said that she was still confused and working on her MLC stuff 5 she restated the I love you but not in love with you again. 6. she said she still sinsed that I was still angry with her over the D and the OG (well duh) - I did acknowledge that I was still angry but that anger is an emotion that can be controlled and delt with and that I was working on dealing with the anger and to bear with me on it. 7. - I have some others but for now this is it Also, I have some questions as to what kind of friend I should be to her - a yes person to just validate anything she does.- "well I know that you robbed the bank, but you know, the bank had pleanty of money and you really needed it so that was ok" or "I know that you killed that man in cold blood, but you know, he really had it comming" or do I say it is wrong to rob, wrong to kill, (neither of which she did) and wrong to cheat on your husband (which she did do) If that topic does come up then I will have to give my views.
Such tough questions!! I think you need to consider what is really important to you. Is it ok to rob a bank, kill person or be with another? You know the answer. Maybe there is another way to answer her. Guess we need our thinking caps!
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
My recommendation as to what kind of friend: be a man with strong convictions about marriage, adultery, faithfulness. Don't let your desire to mend fences with c lead you to compromise on your convictions. Definitely do not agree with her wrong approach to marriage (ie., ok adultery cause her h is mean, whatever) as an attempt to validate.
If she says well you weren't like that before, say well I've changed since all this began, I realize now what is important to me and I'm standing on my beliefs.
Don't be afraid to have convictions that may not be what she wants to hear. IMHO.
Cindy - I agree with you - if she does not like my views then she can stear away from that topic. I do not feel that I can be a yes man on that as that would not be a true friend. If she wants a true friend I will be one but if she wants a yes man then she can find someone else.
Also she said she may not continue to see her counselor (same one I am going to in about 4 hours) I plan to ask counselor the same question and if she feels it is ok to cheat on spouse as long as you feel good about it. if she does not have the same views as I do then I will pay her for tonight and walk out. There are a lot of personal counselors that will tell someone that if you feel it is right to cheat on spouse then go ahead. I will not stay with that kind of Counselor.
with that said, I also told C that I likely will not continue w/ counselor after tonight either and that if she quits too then we should just counsel each other and same some $
Just came back from her home - stopped by C's and we had a little chat - I did pick up my little pills - these are orange and are good for 12 hours rather than the 4 hours of the blue ones. After talking a bit she asked me if I wanted to tell her about my "Date" I did not tell her much but just enough to let her know that I really did have a date. She then said that she did have to admit that she was just a little jealous.
I told C that the Counselor told me that she was not really encouraged about C and I staying friends as that usually right after the D there are too many hard feelings that get in the way. But C said that she did not want to never see me again and did want us to be friends.
In the middle of our talk her S24 came in to spend the night and we did not get to talk any more but when I was leaving she left to take something over to her sister. I think I feel my ears burning.
Also as I was driving home just after I left, she called me on the cell and just chit chatted (like friends)
