The problem is, they do truly believe that some of it is not their fault. To get them to feel true remorse when they really don't feel it, is an almost impossible task.
I know personally form real life, those who have had affairs may have regretted hurting their spouse, but don't feel complete remorse for the affair itself. They would reconcile, but a fraction of a percentage would say "I am so sorry, I feel so awful, this was all my fault." They truly think that what they did when they did it was perhaps not justified, but not a lone action.
So I think it really comes down to what level of remorse are you willing to take. A "I really value our marriage and I won't do it again" while following through on transparency, or does it have to be someone validating what a F-up they are and how horrible and sorry they are for what they did?
because I am afraid if it is the latter, reconciliation isn't going to work.
