Rules for "Mr Nice Guy"

[Chris73]

Hi Guys. This post is quite timely. I'm a life-long "nice guy" and could use some quick advice. I hope I'm not hijacking this thread too much...

W and I are separated. In a counseling session, we agreed not to expose our kids to new romantic relationships. Last night I found out that they spent Sunday with a group of people that included my W's OM and his kids.

Needless to say I was livid and so I confronted her this morning about it. She continues to deny that she is "dating" OM, but previously confirmed back in October that they had some inappropriate contact at a party after I found his number several dozen times on our cell phone logs.

So I told her, as politely as possible, that I would appreciate it moving forward if she would let me know the details of where she's taking the kids and who they will be with. I think I said something like, "What you do and who you're with aren't my concern anymore, but it is when the kids are involved." She said, OK.

But now, as I think back to the confrontation I feel like I said the wrong things. Telling her that I would like to know the details of the where/who of my kids when I'm not around seems controlling. And I feel like following up with her to apologize and tell her that I'm not trying to control her.

This seems like a "nice guy" dilemma. AM I being controlling? Should I take back my request for full disclosure? Is this just my reaction to feeling helpless? If I go back and apologize will I just appear wishy-washy? Sandi2 talks about how the WW loses all respect for her husband and I know that's where I am now. So I think going back and apologizing is the wrong move. I guess I just don't understand how to appropriately set boundaries in this situation...