Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[Stormchaser]

Somehow the affair came up and he told me he still blames me for him cheating because I was "different" before the affair.

I got the same thing last night. My wife talked about being "abandoned" during our marriage. I snapped back, I NEVER abandoned you. She said, "I meant abandoned emotionally". They love justifying it by blaming you.

Since then we've "made up" but this really sits in my chest. Almost two years out and he still does not look inward and have some honesty and accountability about his cheating. We had problem before he cheated and I had requested MC as I saw we were continually dealing with the same problems but he refused. I continually have to face the fact that WH hasn't really done anything to be trustworthy to me, he still has poor boundaries, he refuses to go to IC or even read a book. He still has snapchat on his phone (known cheaters tool) and says he'll delete it when he's "ready." I have come to a cross roads, do I stay or become the WAW? Daily I am with a man who has hurt in the most devastating way possible but has done very little of what I've asked to help heal. When the rubber meets the road he still has wayward thinking, blames shifts and shows no internal change from the cheater.

My W had snapchat and whatsapp on her old phone. I noticed snapchat on her new phone, but she wound up deleting it without me asking. I think she knew that was trouble.

I feel for you, Sara. My W is miles ahead of your H when it comes to repairing things, but I still think she could do more. She stopped IC because she couldn't afford it. Yet, we have health insurance that covers different therapists - I switched therapists and was ok - but she refuses to change doctors. Says her current one validates her. (I personally don't think her IC got the whole story).

ANY issues brought up about her affair are met with her crying, upset that I brought it back, accusing me of living in the past, etc. My W worked with OM a full year after I discovered her A, and my poor excuse for a MC and my own IC said this was ok behavior. Only after seeing my new IC did he condemn this practice and help me force a change. When OM got promoted and he would be W's boss, that was it for me. Luckily, she resigned immediately that day. Yet, I recently found out that she visited there (months after she quit) and she completely justified it by saying OM wasn't there, she missed her old work colleagues, etc. And blame shifted me for snooping thru her phone. No ownership of poor boundaries, no admittance of anything wrong. Just angry at ME for snooping.

Frustrating. She constantly complains about validation, but where is mine? Wouldn't we LOVE to hear, "hey, I screwed up, NONE of it was your fault, I own this 100% and I'm so sorry I screwed up your life?"