ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 3

[SJW]

But you asking him to watch the kids shouldnt be a favor. You shouldnt have to make individual requests. Plus, you should be able to plan things to do as GAL without the kids without needing a favor from him. Thats why I think getting a parenting schedule together and agreed is crucial. Otherwise, if youre going to fight for sole custody, then so be it.

I'm not sure it works the same in the UK but I don't think we have to do the custody legally unless there's an issue. He's told me he will see the kids Monday's and Wednesday's and every other weekend although not which weekend that will be and this maybe affected by his work. He has plans this weekend, is working the one after and I got the impression busy the one after that but not 100% sure. I don't feel this is fair on me or the kids as surely if he's working on the weekend he should be seeing them he should swap, if convenient for me obviously. He's coming tonight but I plan to be out and for him to leave when I get back but I may discuss this with him.

Well, first Id stop worrying about OW...She isnt your concern at the moment. My question to you is what does it matter what the date is? Why is it crucial to wait a week? I get that there is a week of school - but wont doing it the first week of summer vacation put a damper on the summer? etc. What is your fundamental issue?

Whilst it will be the start of the summer holidays for the first time ever I will not be at work. They will be with me 24/7 so if they need to talk, need support I am with them. Equally I can see with my own eyes that they are OK and for the sake of a week I thought that was better for them.

So, what are you going to do to transition yourself to act based on logic/reason vs. emotion/what 'feels OK'? If your boundary is that you arent going to be in a relationship with a man thats sleeping with someone else, how does this back up your words?

You are absolutely right I need to stop any physical contact.

Lets spin this out....

If he announces to them that he is leaving you and dating OW, will you still do these days?

That was my question. I don't plan for them to know about OW yet as I think it's too much for them to process. My S10 has pretty strong values and I don't want these destroying. They don't need to know abut OW yet.

What if you are divorced and he is dating

What if you are divorced and he is remarried to OW?

Where do you draw the line that these days are 'not good' for the kids anymore?

To me, it sounds like you are making excuses, because you think that with enough quality time, you can 'beat' OW.

I suppose at some point H will not want to do these days anymore, maybe I won't or OW will put a stop to it. My question was what is right for the kids? I genuinely don't think spending family time will win him back he's already moved on.