Rules for "Mr Nice Guy"

[Parkema]

Hello All,

Having read Sandi’s posts regarding the “Mr Nice Guy” and how it hit home hard at me due to it describing me to a tee I decided I needed to look into how I could try and make myself less nice..!
Having trawled the internet for inspiration I have compiled a list of 30 “rules” for us nice guys to follow which according to reference helps us in taking our “balls” back. I hope these help in some way.

RULES FOR THE “NICE GUY”

1. If it frightens you, do it. I don’t mean go out and skydive but if you feel a choice you make now will upset your WS BUT is right for you don’t be frightened of the consequences. Looking at your life now how much worse can it get..! It can only get BETTER.
2. Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.
3. Put yourself first. Obviously our children are our priority and this must continue, being the best father is a given.
4. No matter what happens, you will handle it you can’t change the past or influence the future yet you’re still here…
5. Whatever you do, do it 100%, be committed to your choices even if they turn out wrong.
6. If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got, where has this got you?
7. You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.
8. Ask for what you want.
9. If what you are doing isn't working, try something different.
10. Be clear and direct, no more “whatever’s” or “I don’t mind” or “I’ll leave it up to you” you drive the relationship.
11. Learn to say "no" and mean it. If it’s right don’t be afraid to upset the one you love she will eventually learn to respect you.
12. Don't make excuses we need to be single-minded in the actions we do or have done.
13. If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules. Why allow someone else dictate how you’re going to live your life, good relationships compromise.
14. Let people help you.
15. Be honest with yourself, know your failings and work on them.
16. Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever. If someone treats you bad especially in front of your children tell them how you feel about it then set your boundaries.
17. Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change. Sometimes walking away can be powerful.
18. Don't tolerate the intolerable — ever.
19. Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.
20. Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.
21. Accept the consequences of your actions.
22. Be good to yourself.
23. Think "abundance" believe that your needs are important and there are people out there who are happy and willing to help you meet them.
24. Face difficult situations and conflict head on, learn to stick up for what you know to be right. Get a backbone re-capture your “balls”!
25. Don't do anything in secret, ANYTHING! Be transparent be honest.
26. Do it now.
27. Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.
28. Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.
29. Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences, we are where we are.
30. Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen drop the rope.

I have now printed these “rules” out and put them up on my wall so that I can go back and see where I’m failing, Unfortunately the nice guy is covertly programmed over years to be submissive almost from birth and feel to change is a major undertaking but one that is a must for us to successfully build a loving respectful relationship with our significant other.

I hope these help.

Mark.