Here again part 10

[25yearsmlc]

Okay I apologize in advance for saying something that in the short term, will hurt. But hand to God, I think you need to hear this...

Yes you are getting different advice than last time from some of us. Especially the vets who have had some experience with recons, recons that fail, lousy piecing, but who all support trying to save marriages.

But this is the 2nd time around. AND you have a new baby, a new home, you're in school and your h's timing could not be worse. Oh and He began this crap During a pregnancy...

and the suckdom of that ^^^reality is so heavy, so surreal, you don't think you can wrap your brain around it...you don't think your heart can take this blow, so you resist mightily. So much fear...I'm deeply sorry.

But yeah, the advice you are getting is going to be different than last time b/c there was a last time, and

it's like you want to skim over that^^ cruel reality. Which I totally understand...

Then you ask us questions as if this is the first time he's ever been absent or nasty or dishonest.

Or you ask us why we don't think he'll wake up, or regret it, or if he's gone too far or why we don't speak with more hope, or why he does not act X way or why isn't he doing what he did LAST TIME....

For me It's partly b/c it's not the first time...

That's a big factor in the advice given. And you are not hearing it b/c, of course, it's so ugly and painful. Been there, done that. It is truly horrific, and I think I've got some PTSD from it, truly. I pity the first guy I date...I'll apologize in advance to him!

I just think you are prolonging the agony, And not protecting yourself enough.


Finally
whatever actual chance exists of your h smacking his forehead with massive realizations

and saying "OMG!! I'm making the (2nd) biggest mistake of my life and I'm going to lose my kids and T3 and my self respect and blow up a family for nothing!!! I've deeply hurt the 4 people who loved me the most!

Geez, I better overcome this -and change my mindset, & my mood weirdness, & my behaviors - oh those - and I commit to doing a TON of work on ME, over a LOT of time to prove and earn my wife's trust back, never whining about how long it takes, and I need/want/will work to be a great, consistent present h and dad..."'

is NOT MORE likely b/c you won't move forward in your life or show him what he's losing.

Change ^^that. I know you can.

But I don't have other ways to say this. I'm rooting for you.

((( )))