Fight, I think that is ultimately the key. I share the disappointment in choosing this person and the dilemma over what that would be like in view of my children.
By saying I'm the problem, I mean I'm the one who isn't moving forward. The kids are there and are getting frustrated with me. My friends, family and counselors are frustrated with me. None can understand why I don't file for divorce. I hear it from one or more people every single day.
I don't believe in divorce and do not believe that I should have to file as the person who upheld my vows as best I could. Yes I get that he is seriously messed up and will likely not be any better.
But, for now I have support that maintains our lives and has helped me get out of debt and pay my daughter's tuition, I have health insurance I don't have to pay for, I am not paying lawyer fees (yet), We have gone from outright enemies to neutral for the most part in our interactions with one another. I am learning a great deal about myself, what I will tolerate, what I won't. How I need to improve as a person and as a partner in a relationship. I am fighting from a position of strength and not taking the crumbs that are being set out for me.
The thing I am not mastering is not losing my cool now and again and wanting this to be over and resolved. I see that as more my control issues than anything he is doing. What he is doing is not greatly changing. He is paying the bills, sometimes he contacts the kids and sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he visits and sometimes he doesn't. He seldom contacts me and I seldom contact him.
I think the two of us are in a similar place and struggling with similar issues. Yours has filed, I don't think mine will. But then again there is no guarantee that yours will go through with it.
