Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 10

[PsySara]

SJW,
I am glad that my posts have been able to help someone. If nothing, I hope my stumbles and mistakes will help someone not make the same ones.

So WH and I continue the on-again-off-again dance. Last week we fought because I told him I didn't feel prioritized. He continues to act selfishly and often times I am saddled with all the household and child care. This of course spiraled into an argument where he stopped talking to me for a few days which is his main defense mechanism, stonewalling. Somehow the affair came up and he told me he still blames me for him cheating because I was "different" before the affair.

Since then we've "made up" but this really sits in my chest. Almost two years out and he still does not look inward and have some honesty and accountability about his cheating. We had problem before he cheated and I had requested MC as I saw we were continually dealing with the same problems but he refused. I continually have to face the fact that WH hasn't really done anything to be trustworthy to me, he still has poor boundaries, he refuses to go to IC or even read a book. He still has snapchat on his phone (known cheaters tool) and says he'll delete it when he's "ready." I have come to a cross roads, do I stay or become the WAW? Daily I am with a man who has hurt in the most devastating way possible but has done very little of what I've asked to help heal. When the rubber meets the road he still has wayward thinking, blames shifts and shows no internal change from the cheater. So what do I do? I am happy with my life but not happy or even near satisfied in this marriage. I feel like he is complacent and hasn't done anything to "win" me back. Part of me just wants to move on and be open to a new person in my life. I can't exactly be receptive to a new relationship while married though. Forgive me while I flounder, I just didn't think my married life would be like this. I feel like I've been in crises mode for so long that I am unsure what peace looks like anymore.