Thanks for the confirmation of what others have said. I think i know what to do right now, but keeping the resolve to actually do it is the thing. I must admit that its tough to not look back and see if she is noticing, she is right next door after all. Right now i don't let her know that dep down i probably am thiknig that, but continue on to that path by get the work done at my other house to get it on the market by next spring. I also will have my canoe restored pretty soon aand expect to get back out on the water. Eventually, i'll get the motor boat back on the water...
When i recover from the lawyer fees, i may take you up on the coaching offer as any advice is welcome. Although, i know i have some issues i can work on and improve (always room for improvement), I know she already is a fool for leaving me . Indeed, I've already got the ex girlfriend before I met her asking my Dad about my sitch (not that i would go there, but its good to know emotionally as well). Its my opinion, the W is just being selfish because she didn't get her way whne she expected me to cave to her uncompromizing demands. I think she presently expects she will go off and do everything on her own just fine without me. Part of that plan i suppose was to sell her house quickly and use the proceeds to buy the "spacious house" she wanted us (ie me) to get while when we were talking about what it would take to save the MR. However, her house has now been on the market for about two weeks and still not sold because she is asking too much for it.
I came back to this thread to touch on some of the parallels of my sitch (and not hijack the other thread) vs what I saw Sandi2 posted in the "Regain(in)g Respect" of the WS? thread by Tread. In that thread, Sandi2 mentioned the W will test the waters to see if she can still control and I think now my wife has come out of her cold, silent treatment stage and now is testing me in precisely that manner. A couple things she has done recently.
1) I've had a draft of the final divorce decree proved via lawyers for awhile now. Frankly, i just haven't had the heart to go through it to ensure everything in it matches a) the mediated agreement between us and b) details of a Standard Possession Order (SPO) that are applicable for my state. The W, on the other hand, has not pushed to get it finalized, although she may feel it doesn't matter as its effectively already done via the mediated agreement as well as it would take more money to the Lawyers to push more on it.
2) Recently she is coming out of the cold silent treatment towards me to critisize me for some pretty inconsequential stuff. For instance, some of the shorts my (almost) 4 y/o daughter wore when we were together are now all of the sudden "boys" clothes and the colors aren't "girlish". I just told her she was being overly critical, but i should have reiterated what i told her before that she doesn't get to tell me what to do any more now that she has moved out. The thing is that my daughter is the one picking out the clothes (color and all) and likes those particular shorts because they have pockets. Like any kid, she wants to fit as many small toys and trinkets in them as she possibly can... . Before that, the W was trying to tell me how i should apply diaper ointment to the 18 month old... Its my opinion that she is starting to let her anger out on me by lashing out like this, any thoughts?
I've tried to not reply back to the W in a cold or angry manner and have pushed in back on the W to stop trying to control or demean me when she makes such comments. On the other hand, my responses took away any effort I would have otherwise made to compliment her i guess.
In addition to that, even though the W gets child support in this interim period, the W is trying to make me send the kids (particularly the older one) clothes/shoes over to her. for the girls from my/our house so she won't have to buy them. In one case she wanted me to switch a pair of shorts that were now too small for another larger pair of shorts. How petty is that? She had put in a bag on the back door in the middle of my visit (ie not sent with the kids during and exchange but made a separate walk over to leave the shorts and a note (and an email i answered the next day) to that effect. I've pretty much told her thats why she gets child support and that since we don't live together, there is no reason why we should still share things (even the kids clothes).
On the other hand, I also am looking at this from a custody standpoint as well and want to have a documented response when possible to ensure it doesn't come back to haunt me in the form of a custody modification to take more time with the kids away from me.
Me 51, Wife 44; Married 4; Together 10; HSD20, XWSD13, XWSS14, XWSS17 Kids Together D4, D1.52 W Moves Out: 03/16/17 W Files : 03/17/17 D Final: 10/23/17
. Indeed, I've already got the ex girlfriend before I met her asking my Dad about my sitch (not that i would go there, but its good to know emotionally as well). Its my opinion, the W is just being selfish because she didn't get her way whne she expected me to cave to her uncompromizing demands. I think she presently expects she will go off and do everything on her own just fine without me. Part of that plan i suppose was to sell her house quickly and use the proceeds to buy the "spacious house" she wanted us (ie me) to get while when we were talking about what it would take to save the MR. However, her house has now been on the market for about two weeks and still not sold because she is asking too much for it.
. Before that, the W was trying to tell me how i should apply diaper ointment to the 18 month old... Its my opinion that she is starting to let her anger out on me by lashing out like this, any thoughts?
