ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 3

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I think you need a clear schedule. Why should he be allowed to come and go as he pleases while you are stuck waiting on finding out if he has plans or not before you can go out? If he is going to have custody in the future, I think this should be established now. I will caution you - try not to judge what he is doing on 'his time' without the kids and try not to be a bully about the schedule in terms of trying to make it impossible for him to see OW. Instead, pick what days are important for you and go from there.

He is dictating to me but not consistently what he is doing an when. Most of what I do involves the kids so doesn't matter to me when he sees them for my benefit. I have asked him to have them one weekend at the end of August as I have 2 weddings. Honestly, I am scared that he will take them to her house if I'm not around and I think it's way too soon for that?

But you asking him to watch the kids shouldnt be a favor. You shouldnt have to make individual requests. Plus, you should be able to plan things to do as GAL without the kids without needing a favor from him. Thats why I think getting a parenting schedule together and agreed is crucial. Otherwise, if youre going to fight for sole custody, then so be it.

You do know that there is never a good time to do this right? To me, it feels like you are waiting, because if you keep putting it off, theres a chance it wont happen.

I know there is never a good time but one more week in school and he was fine with next weekend until he spoke to OW. He only told me 5 weeks ago. Why should she get to dictate when he tells our kids. I can see why this would be seen as me being controlling but it's OK for her.

Well, first Id stop worrying about OW...She isnt your concern at the moment. My question to you is what does it matter what the date is? Why is it crucial to wait a week? I get that there is a week of school - but wont doing it the first week of summer vacation put a damper on the summer? etc. What is your fundamental issue?

Why are you OK with this?

I shouldn't be but it felt OK at the time as we were discussing the kids and he was being kind.

So, what are you going to do to transition yourself to act based on logic/reason vs. emotion/what 'feels OK'? If your boundary is that you arent going to be in a relationship with a man thats sleeping with someone else, how does this back up your words?

What is your reasoning for doing these 'family days'? He just told you hes going to be sleeping at OW's when he wants and only being with you when it's convenient for him.

Because the kids don't know yet but even when they do is it not right for them? This is something I keep questioning myself as if we do family stuff it's nice for them but it's allowing them to have his cake and eat it? Then I think if I don't do it I'm punishing them for what he has done? This is a genuine question that I would really appreciate advice on.

Lets spin this out....

If he announces to them that he is leaving you and dating OW, will you still do these days?

What if you are divorced and he is dating OW?

What if you are divorced and he is remarried to OW?

Where do you draw the line that these days are 'not good' for the kids anymore?

To me, it sounds like you are making excuses, because you think that with enough quality time, you can 'beat' OW.