Betrayed Spouse - Round 2

[dale165]

Yeah AS back injuries suck! Going on 4th day and still in a fetal position, still cant walk so going to a Doc tomorrow.

Injury did not come without benefits though. Sitting here for 4 days basically disabled gives you no choice but to think. I had this little voice in my head for several months that Ive been avoiding. It says "You are not ready for your wife yet, what are you going to do different if she comes back". I just been avoiding it by lifting weights harder and sparring harder in boxing and jiu jitsu. So here I am now with no crutch.

I like reading 25's posts and she asked someone to write down feelings, I feel statements. My best man said in his speech no one knows what I feel. Well I feel lost, confused, worried, and sad. I told myself I was ready either way if W wants a divorce. Still secretly wish she would call and text. I lived my adult life with this woman to date.

I still go to the IC. I actually look forward to going. Im nervous to tell others how I feel but this guy cant get a word in while I'm there lol. Ive distanced myself a lot from W but its really hard to think about how bad we failed.

I'm really frustrated at how long this has been going on with the amount of hot and cold. I actually am concerned about my W but there's nothing I can do at the moment. Gaining weight, sleeping all the time, going vegan, buying a piano. Just wild stuff.

She texted me yesterday asking me to talk to her dad. She says he doesn't like anyone except me. I'm no doctor but there's just no way he will live for more than a couple more years. Obese, smokes 3 packs a day, and has every medical condition under the sun. Can barely move as well. W wants me to get a list of all his accts so we know what he has in the event of death. If her family wasn't around I could probably detach better. They are definitely not my responsibility but they are dysfunctional with a capital D.

I guess the moral of the story is that I'm still avoiding the situation. Emotionally and loving wise, I'm no better than day 1. Somehow I have been able to put on a front for my W so if I can actually do it I may just have a shot.