ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 2

[Treasur]

Hey sweetie...spinning happens (s*cks but it happens), key seems to be to chew a bit, walk away, chew a bit more and do nothing for a bit.

Yup, MLC is disheartening...but in a way, the practical stuff is the same whether it is MLC, aliens kidnap or an allergy to fish right?

Just like a new posting in a horrible spot...what are the short-term priorities for an army wife? (My parents were ex-RAF and my Mum could do this stuff really well too!)

First of all, you have to get tough & accept that HE has chosen to (partially) detach from you & the kids already by saying yes to an open-ended posting to OWstan. His choice and he forgot to discuss it with you as his W. Just like thousands of army wives, you're left to figure out what a good positive life looks like for you and the kids while he is 'away'. I'm sure you've had to do this in the past and if I remember right, the trick is to keep things calm and steady, focus on what now & next rather than what will happen in 6 months, cry when you need to and use the support you have. Different challenge, but similar skill set. So, you know already you can do this.

There are other people here better than me to advise on the kids. Calm boundaries seem to be the key to detachment generally, I think. From what I can gather, most MLC spouses are pretty unreliable and that includes kid stuff too but there are folks here who can advise you.

As a 'non child owner', but blessed with a great set of parents...love matters but truth is important too. I guess it is natural to want to protect them, but healthy adults always need to learn resilience - actually a lot of the DB stuff, now I think about it. That they are loved and enough. That life sometimes throws up tough stuff we can't fix or control. That we can choose how we respond to it and do our best to not let the yucky stuff overwrite the good stuff.

I can't remember...have you two had a conversation with the kids yet?